Delia Ilene5 months agoI’m a 20-year-old man, and I’ve developed a crush on my boss, who is 23 years old. The problem is that she’s married to a man who is abusive towards her. He has physically hit her and has even threatened to kill her multiple times. She’s afraid to leave him because she doesn’t want to be alone, and she’s also worried about her two cats—one of which belongs to her husband—that she doesn’t want to leave behind. She’s told me that she likes me too, and she finds me attractive, admitting that she’s had these feelings for a while. I’m unsure of what to do next, as I’m worried about the potential consequences. If something were to happen between us, she could lose her job, and even worse, her husband could hurt her even more. Now, in response to your situation: First, it’s important to acknowledge the complexity and gravity of this situation. You’re dealing with a serious issue, both emotionally and ethically. It’s clear that you care for your boss, but her situation is fraught with danger, both physically and professionally. Here are a few important points to consider: Her Safety is the Priority: The first thing that needs to be addressed is her safety. Abuse is never acceptable, and no matter what feelings are involved between you, the most important thing is that she gets the help and support she needs to leave the abusive situation. She might be feeling trapped and unsure of how to escape, and it’s crucial that she has access to resources like counseling, domestic abuse hotlines, or safe housing options. If you feel comfortable, you could gently suggest that she reach out to those resources or even offer to help her find them. Respect Professional Boundaries: Given the power dynamic in your relationship (as boss and employee), pursuing anything beyond a professional connection could have serious consequences for both of you. She could face job-related repercussions, and you could also face personal and professional fallout. It’s important to think through the possible risks and how this might affect both your careers and her safety. Emotional Support: While it may not be appropriate to pursue a romantic relationship right now, you can still offer emotional support. Let her know that you care about her well-being, but be mindful not to create confusion or make the situation more complicated for her. Offer your friendship and support while encouraging her to take steps to protect herself. Consider Your Own Well-being: It’s understandable to have feelings for her, but it’s important to take care of yourself as well. This situation involves complex emotions, but it’s essential to maintain your own boundaries and not lose sight of what’s healthy for you in the process. If you feel overwhelmed or unsure of how to navigate these emotions, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist who can offer guidance on how to handle your feelings and the ethical challenges involved. Patience and Space: If she’s confided in you about her feelings, it’s clear that she values you, but it’s important to be patient and allow her the space to make decisions about her life and her relationship. She needs time to process her situation, and rushing things could have negative consequences for both of you. Advice: The most important thing you can do is prioritize her safety and well-being. Offer emotional support without overstepping professional or personal boundaries. Encourage her to seek help for the abusive relationship, but avoid trying to move the situation in a romantic direction until she has addressed the safety concerns she faces. This is a delicate situation, and being patient, supportive, and cautious will be crucial moving forward.1803
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