Rollie Rex5 months agoMy girlfriend and I have been together for six months, and lately, I’ve noticed she’s becoming close with someone I really dislike. This person was part of a situation that made me miserable after a falling out with a friend, and I’ve had a lot of negative experiences with her. To make things worse, she once said she hoped my girlfriend would be hit by a bus after my ex hit on her. Now, my girlfriend is pursuing a friendship with this girl, and despite me trying to express my concerns, she insists I’m just being biased and not giving her a chance. But I feel like she doesn’t deserve one—she’s a liar and manipulative. I really can’t stand seeing my girlfriend trying to make friends with someone like this, but I don’t know what to do about it. Should I be more firm with my feelings, or should I just step back? I feel bad saying I don’t want her to be friends with this person, but my girlfriend knows how badly this girl and my ex treated me, and yet she still seems to think she can make it work. I trust my girlfriend completely, but I don’t trust this new friend at all. She even tried to get my girlfriend to have a sleepover and get drunk with her, though my girlfriend thankfully declined. I just feel stuck and don’t know what the best course of action is. What should I do in this situation? Answer & Advice: It’s understandable that you feel upset and conflicted in this situation. Trust in a relationship is incredibly important, and it’s clear you’re struggling with the idea of your girlfriend becoming close with someone you view as harmful to both you and your past relationships. Here are a few things to consider: Express Your Feelings Calmly: It’s important to communicate how you feel, but try to do so calmly and respectfully. Instead of focusing on criticizing her new friend, explain why this person hurt you and how their actions negatively impacted your trust. Rather than focusing on the person herself, focus on how their behavior has made you feel and why it triggers discomfort for you. Your girlfriend may not fully understand your perspective unless you explain it from an emotional standpoint. Respect Her Autonomy: While it’s hard to accept, your girlfriend is allowed to make her own choices about who she spends time with. Even though you feel strongly about this individual, she might see things differently. It’s important to acknowledge her right to make decisions and form friendships, even if you disagree with them. However, this doesn’t mean you should suppress your own feelings or boundaries. It’s about finding a balance between respecting her choices and protecting your own well-being. Set Boundaries: While you can’t control your girlfriend’s actions, you can express your boundaries. You might want to set clear boundaries around certain situations, like sleepovers or drinking with this friend. For example, you could say something like, "I really don’t feel comfortable with you hanging out alone with her, especially after everything that happened. I trust you, but this person has hurt me in the past, and I’m not comfortable with certain activities." Setting boundaries doesn’t mean controlling your partner, but ensuring that your emotional needs are respected. Work Together as a Team: It’s important to remember that relationships are partnerships. If your girlfriend values your opinion and your relationship, she’ll want to understand your feelings and find a compromise that works for both of you. Try to approach the conversation from a place of teamwork rather than accusation or control. You can both discuss how to navigate her friendship while still maintaining trust and respect for your own feelings. Consider the Impact on Your Relationship: If the friendship continues to strain your relationship, you’ll need to reassess. Ask yourself how much this situation is affecting your peace of mind and the dynamics of your partnership. If the situation remains unresolved and continues to cause tension, it may be worth reconsidering how much this friendship should be part of your life together. Ultimately, communication and mutual respect are key. You have every right to express your feelings, but it’s also important to consider your girlfriend’s perspective. You both deserve to feel comfortable and supported in the relationship, and finding a solution that honors both your concerns is crucial. 1455
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