Sissy Mildred5 months agoMy fiancée, Jess, and I are planning our wedding for next year. Jess recently reconnected with an old friend from school, Stephanie, and after a few double dates with her and Stephanie's partner, John, we agreed to invite them both to the wedding. They were happy to accept the invite. A few months later, Stephanie and John moved interstate when John got a job offer. However, about six months later, their relationship fell apart. I’m not really sure of the details, but I know they had a long-distance relationship for six years, and living together may have changed things. Even though Stephanie is coming to the wedding, John isn’t. A week ago, I received a LinkedIn message from John asking if I was free to "catch up." He added me on LinkedIn before that. I’m a bit confused by the message since I’ve only interacted with him in group settings. Should I meet up with him? I’m really curious, but I’m also unsure about his intentions. Update: After hearing more about the situation, it turns out that the breakup wasn’t amicable. Stephanie broke up with John, and he reacted by sending multiple calls and texts, including threats regarding her visa. Stephanie is safe now and is staying with friends interstate to get some space. I’ve never seen that side of John, but I don’t know him very well. I’m busy, so I can’t meet up with him right now. I did ask him what he wanted, and he said he just wanted to hang out. That said, I’m still not sure what’s going on. It could be work-related since his career might align with my business. I’m thinking of maybe meeting him for coffee in the future when things settle down. Answer & Advice: It’s definitely understandable to be suspicious or cautious when a person you don't know very well reaches out unexpectedly, especially when their breakup seems to have been difficult and there’s some concerning behavior involved. In this case, there are a few factors to consider: John's Behavior: Based on the update, it seems like John’s reaction to the breakup wasn’t entirely healthy, given the threats and his attempts to contact Stephanie repeatedly. That could indicate that he’s not in the best emotional place at the moment, which might affect his interactions with others. Curiosity vs. Caution: It’s natural to be curious, especially since you don’t have a strong sense of what John’s intentions are. However, it’s important to consider your own boundaries and whether meeting with him could potentially make you uncomfortable or put you in a difficult situation. If you do decide to meet, make sure to keep things neutral and clear from the start. Be upfront about your relationship with Jess and avoid anything that could be misinterpreted. Your Priorities: Since you’re busy with wedding planning and your business, it might be best to prioritize your time and emotional energy. It’s important to ask yourself if catching up with John aligns with your values and what you're comfortable with. You don’t owe him a meeting just because he asked, especially if you’re unsure about his motivations. Work-Related Possibility: If John’s message truly is work-related, there could be a professional angle to consider. It might be worth exploring whether his career interests could complement yours, but it’s always okay to approach the situation with caution until you have more clarity on his intentions. Talking with Jess: Since John’s message and past behavior involve people close to you, it might be helpful to have an open conversation with Jess. She might have more insight into his current state of mind, and it’s always a good idea to ensure both of you are on the same page regarding interactions with her ex. In the end, you should prioritize your own comfort and make decisions based on your instincts. If you’re unsure, it’s perfectly fine to decline the meeting for now and suggest that maybe in the future, once everything has settled, you could have a more neutral, professional chat. If the situation feels too complicated or uncomfortable, it’s okay to step back and not engage further.1133
Sissy MildredSissy Mildred