Caileigh Ronan5 months agoI (20M) have been friends with someone, A (19F), for a few years now, and I’ve developed feelings for her. However, I’m not sure what to do next. About a year ago, we were both at a party with some mutual friends. We connected over a shared love for a band and similar medical issues, which created a unique bond between us. Throughout the night, I started getting the feeling she might like me. One of our friends even told me that A found it attractive when I was head banging to the music. Later that evening, while helping her with some emotional struggles, I told her I thought she was very attractive, and she responded by saying she liked my eyes. I kick myself for not acting on that moment, but I was nervous and not used to making the first move. A few days ago, I finally decided to make a move, but by then, she had gotten back together with her ex. It’s been almost a year since that party, and I believe she’s single now. I really want to tell her how I feel, but I’m hesitating for several reasons. First, if she doesn’t feel the same way, I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship or causing issues with our mutual friends. Second, I’m not sure if she’s seeing someone else now. And third, after my last relationship, I’m scared of repeating my mistakes. I wasn’t a great partner before, but I’ve learned from that experience, and I’m afraid I’ll mess things up again. I know it might seem strange that I still have feelings for her, especially considering it’s been almost a year since they first developed, but when I catch feelings for someone, it’s hard for me to move on. What do you all think I should do? Should I ask a mutual friend for advice? Should I just let go of my feelings and move on? Or should I take the leap and express how I feel, hoping for the best? Apologies if this doesn’t make much sense. I just felt like I needed to get it out. Answer & Advice: It sounds like you’re in a pretty complicated situation, and it’s understandable to feel uncertain about how to move forward. Here are some thoughts and potential next steps: Consider What You Really Want: Before you take any action, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect on what you really want from this situation. Do you genuinely want to pursue a romantic relationship with A, or are you more afraid of the possibility of never knowing if she could feel the same way? It’s important to consider your feelings, but also the potential consequences—especially in terms of your friendship and mutual friends. Taking the Leap: Sometimes, it’s worth taking a risk and telling someone how you feel, especially if those feelings have been lingering for such a long time. It’s possible that A may have some interest in you, but she might be waiting for you to make the first move, too. Given that you’ve already been friends for a while, your relationship has a foundation of trust and understanding, which could help if you choose to share your feelings. Communication: You could approach A in a low-pressure way by being honest and clear about your feelings. You could say something like, "I’ve developed feelings for you, and I’ve been thinking about how to bring it up. I really value our friendship, so I want to be respectful of that, but I also want to be honest with you about how I feel." This approach allows you to express yourself without putting too much pressure on the situation. Managing Fear of Rejection: It’s totally natural to be afraid of rejection, especially when it comes to someone you’ve been friends with for so long. However, being open about your feelings could lead to a deeper connection, even if she doesn’t feel the same way. It’s important to remember that rejection isn’t a reflection of your worth as a person, and it can still allow you both to move forward with respect for each other. Fear of Repeating Past Mistakes: It’s clear that you’ve learned from past mistakes, and that growth is really important. If you decide to pursue a relationship, just be mindful of the lessons you’ve learned from your previous experience. You’ve grown, and you’re more aware of what you want and how to be a better partner. So, trust yourself and take things one step at a time. Asking a Mutual Friend for Advice: Asking a mutual friend for advice can be helpful if you want to gain some perspective on how A might feel. However, be cautious about sharing too many details or putting the pressure on a friend to act as a mediator. Sometimes, it’s better to speak directly to the person you’re interested in to avoid misunderstandings or complications. Moving On: If you do decide that pursuing this relationship isn’t the right move, it’s okay to let go of these feelings. It can be tough, but moving on might be the healthiest option if you feel that taking this further could jeopardize the friendship or cause more emotional strain. Ultimately, the decision to express your feelings is a personal one. If you feel like there’s a chance for something more with A, and you’re comfortable with the potential risks, it may be worth taking the leap and being honest with her. On the other hand, if you feel like your feelings are too overwhelming and not worth pursuing, letting go may be a healthier option in the long run. Either way, take your time and trust your instincts! 185
Caileigh RonanCaileigh Ronan