Aviana Tamsen6 months agoI'm a 24-year-old woman who's genuinely looking for a long-term relationship, but the thought of putting myself out there and searching for the right person feels exhausting. I really enjoy spending time alone and don't feel the need to bring someone new into my life at this moment. I'm very independent—emotionally and financially—but deep down, I do want someone reliable. Someone I can be vulnerable with, who will love, support, and spoil me. Right now, I feel a bit lost and uncertain about what to do. Some people tell me that I need to put in the effort to meet new people, while others say that the right person will come along when the time is right. I’m stuck in the middle and really need some advice! P.S. I live in Australia and I have regular therapy sessions. Answer & Advice: It’s completely normal to feel torn between wanting a meaningful connection and not wanting to put yourself out there. The fact that you’re aware of your own needs and independent nature is a great starting point. It shows that you have a solid sense of self, which is essential when considering a relationship. Here are a few thoughts and pieces of advice: Take Your Time: There's no need to rush the process of finding someone, especially when you’re already content with your own company. A relationship should enhance your life, not fill a gap or make you feel incomplete. If you’re enjoying your independence, there’s no harm in taking your time and waiting for someone who will truly complement your life rather than disrupt it. Putting Yourself Out There Doesn’t Always Mean Changing Everything: If you're hesitant to actively search for a partner, that’s okay. Meeting someone can happen naturally in settings that align with your interests. You don’t need to force yourself into uncomfortable situations to meet people. Casual social activities, hobbies, or events that interest you might be great opportunities to meet like-minded people organically. Relationships that start through shared interests tend to have more lasting potential. Trust the Timing: The idea that the “right person will come when the time is right” holds some truth. Sometimes, the best connections happen when you least expect them, and they come when you’re in the right headspace. You’re focusing on your own happiness and growth right now, and that's a powerful place to be in. The more you invest in your own well-being, the more likely you are to attract someone who matches your energy. Be Open, but Not Desperate: While it’s great to be open to meeting new people, there’s no reason to settle or rush into anything that doesn’t feel right. You deserve someone who makes you feel supported and cherished, not someone who only fills the space. It’s perfectly fine to wait for that connection that feels genuine. Therapy is a Great Tool: Since you’re already seeing a therapist, it’s a great opportunity to continue exploring what you're looking for in a relationship and how to approach it. Therapy can help you gain clarity on your desires, insecurities, and what you're truly seeking in a partner. It can also help you process any past relationship patterns that might be influencing your mindset. Relationships Should Be a Joy, Not a Burden: If you’re not actively seeking someone right now, that’s okay. If you want a loving, supportive partner but don’t feel like making the effort yet, that’s perfectly understandable. Sometimes, we’re just not in a place where we want to invest in a relationship, and that’s okay too. When you're ready, the right person will be worth it. In summary, it’s about finding balance—don’t feel pressured by others' advice. Trust that when the time is right, and when you’re feeling open to it, the right relationship will come. Take your time, focus on your own happiness, and remember that the right person won’t just fit into your life—they’ll make it better. 180
Aviana TamsenAviana Tamsen