Gladwin Debraa year ago I’m in my first relationship, and it’s been really tough because it’s long-distance. Over the last 7 months, we’ve seen each other almost every month, but a lot has changed recently, and I’m struggling to manage my emotions. Since we started dating, we’ve become a lot more casual, and I’ve interpreted that as her possibly getting bored of me. Her libido has decreased, and I’ve taken that negatively too. I’ve also noticed that she gives me fewer compliments now, which has made me worry. The reality is, everything is probably fine. It’s just that she’s probably settling into a normal routine, and the honeymoon phase is over, which is totally normal. She’s very independent, and I’m much more dependent, though I try not to show it too much. When I expressed that something was bothering me, she responded by saying how secure she felt with me and seemed confused as to why I felt the way I did. So it seems like in her mind, everything is fine, and she’s just doing what feels natural, but I’m taking all of these changes very seriously and interpreting them negatively. I’m planning to move in with her in the next few months. Long-distance has been difficult, and each time I leave her, it feels harder. My biggest fear is that I’ll change my whole life and move in with her, only for her to slowly lose interest. I’m also struggling to handle the anxiety I feel about all of this. I know it’s not her problem, and I don’t want to make it hers, but I really need to figure out how to deal with it myself. Response and Advice: It’s completely understandable to feel anxious and uncertain in a long-distance relationship, especially as it’s your first one and you’re navigating these new dynamics. Here are a few points of advice that could help you manage your emotions and gain clarity on the situation: Recognize the Change in Dynamics: It’s normal for relationships to evolve over time. The intensity of the “honeymoon phase” often fades as people get more comfortable with each other. This doesn't necessarily mean that she’s losing interest; rather, she’s probably just settling into a more sustainable rhythm. The casual nature you’re noticing might be her way of showing that she feels secure and comfortable with you. It's important to give this phase space without interpreting every small change as a negative shift in feelings. Communicate Your Feelings Honestly: It seems like you’ve already shared some of your concerns, but it’s important to continue being open about how you’re feeling. Try to express your emotions without implying blame. For example, saying “I’ve been feeling a bit anxious about how things are going, especially with the changes in our routine and intimacy,” could help her understand your emotional state without putting pressure on her. Communication is key, especially in a long-distance relationship. Understand Your Own Anxiety: It sounds like a big part of your worry stems from your own anxiety and the fear of losing her. That’s completely natural, but it’s also important to differentiate between your worries and reality. The anxiety you’re feeling might be more about the change in routine, the challenges of long-distance, and the uncertainty of moving in together than about her actual feelings. Recognizing that your anxiety is influencing your perceptions can be the first step in managing it. Focus on Self-Care and Building Security for Yourself: While it’s important to address your feelings with your partner, it’s equally important to find ways to self-soothe and manage anxiety. Engaging in activities that calm you down, whether that’s exercise, meditation, journaling, or hobbies, can help you create a sense of security and stability within yourself. By focusing on your own well-being, you can feel more grounded and less dependent on her to provide reassurance. Trust the Process: Moving in together is a big step, and understandably, you might have doubts and fears about how it will change the relationship. However, it’s essential to trust both the relationship and the process of growth. If you’ve had a healthy and positive connection up until now, it’s likely that the move will bring you closer. Yes, there are risks, but avoiding making decisions out of fear will only prevent you from experiencing the potential rewards of deepening the relationship. Don’t Overthink Every Change: It’s easy to read into every small shift in behavior when you're anxious, but try to step back and assess the overall picture. The decrease in libido, the fewer compliments, and the casual nature of the relationship might be her settling into a comfortable space, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s losing interest. If you’re concerned, it’s better to ask her about how she feels rather than assuming. She might not even realize how these changes are affecting you, and hearing your perspective might help her understand your needs better. Give Yourself Time to Adjust: The transition from long-distance to living together will take time. You’re both adjusting to a new dynamic, and it’s okay if things don’t feel perfect right away. Give yourself permission to take things slow and let the relationship evolve naturally. There’s no need to rush the process or pressure yourself to have everything figured out immediately. By working through your own anxiety and communicating openly with her, you can create a more secure and balanced foundation for the future. Relationships grow and change, and with patience and understanding, you’ll both likely adjust to this new phase. 1138
Gladwin DebraGladwin Debra