Wade Brynne6 months agomy ex-girlfriend (F22) of about a year and a half broke up with me (M23). We were living together, and I had a few moments in the relationship where I was neurotic and reacted in ways I’m not proud of. However, outside of those moments, I truly believe our relationship was healthy for the most part. Since the breakup, I find myself thinking about her regularly. We’re on good terms, and the breakup was mature and respectful—probably one of the healthiest breakups I’ve ever experienced. It’s been almost four months since we last spoke, after we handled the necessary legal matters. What sticks with me is when she said that we might be able to "revisit this" in the future and that she wanted to be single for a while. A few days later, I asked her to clarify, and she told me "not in the foreseeable future." Here’s where things get complicated: I’ve been seeing someone new for about a month. She’s interested in a relationship, and I’ve been open with her about still having thoughts about my ex. I told her I need time to heal and don’t want to lead her on. I want to be intentional about how I proceed. Today, a friend’s girlfriend told me she saw my ex at her workplace and mentioned how she recently started a new job and likes it. This caught me off guard, especially because it seemed a bit odd, considering my friend knows we broke up. I know speculation is not the focus here, so I’m not asking for assumptions, but it did make me reflect. I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. A part of me still believes there might be a chance for my ex and me to have a future together, but I’m not sure whether I should move on completely or if it’s worth holding on to that hope. Should I reach out to my ex? Should I focus on building something with the new girl I’m seeing? Or should I take more time to be truly single and see where things stand later? I feel like I’m 90% there, and I believe I can get to 100%, but I’m not sure what the best course of action is. Thanks in advance for any advice! Response and Advice: It sounds like you’re in a tough emotional spot, trying to navigate your feelings about your ex while also starting something new with someone else. Let me offer a few thoughts on how you can approach this situation. Reflect on Your Healing Process: You’ve already communicated to the new girl that you need time to heal, which shows that you are being responsible and considerate of her feelings. It’s crucial to take the time you need to fully process the breakup and heal before diving into another relationship. You might still be holding onto hope for your ex, and that’s natural, but part of healing is coming to terms with what happened and letting go of what no longer serves you. Make sure you give yourself space to be single and fully recover, so you can approach any future relationships, whether with your ex or someone new, from a place of clarity and emotional readiness. Think About What You Want: It sounds like your ex left you with some ambiguity, especially with her comments about "revisiting" the relationship. While that might leave a door slightly open, it’s important to consider whether you want to go back to that relationship or if you're just holding onto the idea of it. It’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship and even wonder about the "what ifs," but ask yourself if the relationship with your ex was truly fulfilling, or if it’s more about your hopes and attachment to what was. Sometimes, we hold onto the idea of a person or a future we thought we’d have, but it’s important to be honest with yourself about whether that person is truly a good match for you now. Move at Your Own Pace with the New Relationship: You’re still in the early stages with the new girl, and while you’re understandably feeling conflicted, it’s good that you’ve been upfront with her about your current emotional state. You don’t need to rush into anything with her right now if you’re not fully healed. If you both have a strong connection and it feels right, you can let things develop naturally, but only once you’re certain that you’re emotionally ready for a relationship. Be sure to take things slow and don’t feel pressured to jump into something just because it’s there. Respect Your Ex’s Space: If you’re still unsure about whether there’s a chance to revisit things with your ex, it might be best to honor her request for space. If she’s expressed that she wants to be single for a while and has clarified that it’s "not in the foreseeable future," that’s important to respect. While it’s natural to want closure or further clarification, reaching out to her before you’ve fully healed might lead to confusion or mixed signals for both of you. Give her the space she’s asked for and let the future unfold on its own terms. Avoid Holding Onto “What Ifs”: It’s easy to get caught up in thoughts of "what if" when you’re still processing a breakup. But it’s important to remember that you can’t predict the future. Whether or not you get back together with your ex is something that only time will tell, but right now, focusing on your own growth and healing will make you stronger and better equipped to navigate any future relationships. Give Yourself Time: Take some time for yourself, away from both your ex and the new girl. Use this time to focus on what you truly want in a partner, what you’ve learned from your past relationship, and how you want to move forward. The clarity that comes from being truly single and focusing on your own well-being will help you make better decisions in the long run. Ultimately, the best path forward is the one that allows you to heal fully and approach any future relationship, whether with your ex or someone new, from a place of self-awareness, clarity, and emotional readiness. Be patient with yourself, and trust that with time, the right answers will come. 196
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