Evie Albin6 months agoI’m 22 years old, and my boyfriend is 24. We both recently graduated with our bachelor’s degrees, and he works full-time while I’m currently seeking employment. Recently, he told me that he spent over $200 on decorations, furniture, and posters for his place. Not long before that, he also spent a similar amount on new clothes. I’m happy that he spends money on himself, especially since he works hard for it. However, there’s something bothering me: He expects us to split everything 50/50 when we go out to eat or go on dates. Sometimes, I even end up paying for places he chooses for us to eat at. When the bill comes, he often waits for me to take out my card, even though he knows I don’t have an income at the moment. He tells me I’m worth the world to him, but his actions don’t seem to match his words when it comes to sharing expenses. I’m torn because I know relationships should be fair, but I feel uncomfortable with how this is playing out. Should I talk to him about my feelings or should I just let it go? Answer to Your Situation: I understand why you're feeling conflicted and frustrated. It's important for both partners to feel valued and supported, especially when it comes to financial matters, so it's completely valid to have concerns about the 50/50 split. 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel upset about this situation. While fairness is important, relationships are also about supporting each other, especially during times when one partner is struggling or between jobs. Your boyfriend’s actions don’t seem to align with the support you might expect given the circumstances. 2. Communicating Your Needs: Have an honest conversation. You should definitely discuss your feelings with him. It’s important to express how his actions make you feel. You can acknowledge that you understand he’s worked hard for his money and that you respect that, but also let him know that it’s uncomfortable for you when he insists on splitting the bill 50/50 when you're not currently employed. Frame the conversation with “I feel” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel hurt when the bill comes and I’m expected to pay, especially when I don’t have an income right now. I know you say I’m worth the world, but I’d feel more valued if you could offer to pay for some of the dates, especially since I’m going through a tough financial time.” 3. Understanding and Compromise: Seek a compromise. You don’t need to suggest that he should pay for everything, but perhaps a balance can be found. For example, he could pay more during this time when you're seeking employment, or you could agree on a different way to share expenses based on what’s fair for both of you. Consider his perspective: Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t realize how much pressure he’s placing on you, or he might believe that fairness means splitting things 50/50. Let him know how you feel and give him the chance to understand your situation. 4. Don’t Ignore Your Feelings: While it’s normal to want to let go of small grievances, this isn’t something that should be swept under the rug, especially if it’s making you feel undervalued. Financial matters can be a sensitive topic, but it’s important for both partners to feel respected and supported in all aspects of the relationship. Conclusion: This situation calls for an open conversation where you can express your feelings in a non-confrontational way. You’re not asking for everything to be paid for, but it’s reasonable to want him to be understanding of your current situation and offer to take the lead on expenses sometimes. It’s important to communicate your feelings and expectations and see if you can find a solution that works for both of you. If he values you as much as he says, he will be receptive to your concerns. 177
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