Fulton Jaslyn5 months agoI (33F) have been married to my husband (34M) for about seven years, and while our relationship is great in many ways, I’ve started feeling overwhelmed by the expectations he has for me when it comes to domestic duties. I feel increasingly resentful because it feels like all of the household chores, including walking our dogs, cooking, cleaning, and maintaining two properties, fall entirely on me. We have two dogs, and I walk them four times a day, even when I’m not feeling well. I also manage all their vet care, medications, food, etc., while he enjoys playing with them but doesn’t help with any of their upkeep. Similarly, I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleanup. He’s very picky about the meals I prepare, and if I make something simple, he’ll complain and order fast food instead, which adds pressure to cook elaborate meals daily. We also have two homes: a small apartment in the city and a larger house in the suburbs. I manage both, cleaning, maintaining, and answering guest inquiries for the rental property. I’m constantly fixing things, cleaning, and trying to keep it up to guest-house standards, all while my husband refuses to help, claiming that he’s too busy with work. I recently took a new job that requires me to work in-person, and while it pays more, it’s much more demanding, leaving me even less time and energy for these domestic tasks. However, when I let things slip over the holidays—like leaving the laundry and dishes for a few days—he got upset, saying the house was getting “out of control.” It feels frustrating because he doesn’t even do the basic things like rinse his dishes or take out the trash, and hasn’t cleaned a bathroom in years. I’m exhausted and burned out, and I feel like I’m sacrificing time I could spend on personal activities like reading, learning, or working out. It’s strange because in many other ways, my husband is feminist-minded, but when it comes to domestic tasks, he’s entirely absent. He claims his job is too demanding to take on more chores, but I’m also working long hours and feel overwhelmed. I’m looking for advice on how to have a calm conversation with him about sharing the household responsibilities. I think a clear plan, maybe a schedule or designated duties, could help, but I don’t know how to approach this without making him defensive.166
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