Braidy Laura5 months ago I’m a 21-year-old female and recently found out that my ex-boyfriend has been spreading lies about me. I’m not sure how many people he’s told, but I ran into an old friend who mentioned that my ex had said I left him for another guy. That’s completely untrue. He actually broke up with me and started dating a girl just two days after we split up. This girl was someone he had been friends with while we were still together. The breakup was really traumatic for me, and he treated me terribly towards the end. It was a big shock because he had always been such a great boyfriend before that. I was devastated, but I didn’t go around talking about it to others—only close friends and family knew what really happened. When I found out he was telling people that I left him, I was honestly shocked. I know I shouldn’t care, but it’s hard not to feel anxious about people believing his version of events. He has a lot of friends and tends to put on a fake persona, so I’m sure many people don’t question what he’s saying. We were together for three years, and it hurts seeing people I used to be close to think badly of me. It feels like he’s made me out to be the bad person, and I just can’t shake this anxiety about it. I feel like everyone who ever knew me now sees me as a terrible person. Sorry if this is all over the place; I’m just struggling to come to terms with it and move on. Answer/Advice: I’m really sorry that you’re going through this—it’s incredibly painful when someone spreads false stories about you, especially after a difficult breakup. It’s understandable that you feel anxious and hurt, but it’s important to remember that the people who truly care about you will know the truth, even if others don’t. Here are a few thoughts to help you navigate this: Don’t internalize the lies: It’s natural to feel upset when someone distorts your actions or character, but remind yourself that the truth will always come out. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone, especially those who weren’t there during the relationship. Focus on what you can control: It’s clear that the breakup was traumatic for you, and it's okay to take time to heal. You have the power to control how you move forward, so focus on taking care of yourself and surrounding yourself with supportive people who know and understand the real story. Don’t waste energy on others’ opinions: I know it’s hard, but try not to stress about what people who aren't truly your friends think. If people are quick to believe your ex’s lies without asking for your side, they aren’t worth your time. True friends will stand by you, and those who know you well won’t be swayed by false rumors. Consider addressing it directly: If you feel comfortable and think it would help, you might want to gently address the situation with people who matter to you. If someone asks or mentions the lie, you can calmly share your side of the story without getting too caught up in drama. Give yourself grace: Healing from a traumatic breakup takes time. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you’ve been through a lot. It’s okay to feel anxious, but over time, these feelings will lessen as you focus more on your own growth and happiness. Let go of guilt: It sounds like you were the one hurt in this situation. Don’t feel guilty for what happened, and don’t let anyone make you feel like the villain. You deserve respect, kindness, and understanding. Take things day by day, and remember that you are not defined by someone else’s false narrative. You’ll get through this stronger, and eventually, the truth will become clear to everyone who matters. 168
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