Braelyn Hettie5 months agoI (22F) met my friend (20M) over a year ago, and recently he told me that he likes me and wants to be my boyfriend. I told him that I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but looking back, I realize I should've been clearer that I just want to remain friends. Over the holidays, we've been talking less, and today, we had a short call. Afterward, while texting, I mentioned that I had to go to work, and he replied by saying he loves me. I'm confused about what he meant—whether it was as a friend or something more. This has happened with another male friend before, and it’s both sad and frustrating. What should I say to him? Answer/Advice: It’s understandable that you’re feeling conflicted and unsure about how to approach this situation, especially since it’s not the first time you’ve encountered something similar. Here’s how you could approach it: 1. Clarify Your Feelings: Since you want to remain friends, it’s important to be clear and honest with him about your intentions. You can gently let him know that you appreciate his feelings, but you still want to focus on a friendship and are not looking for anything romantic at the moment. For example, you might say something like, “I really value our friendship, and I’m not looking for a romantic relationship right now, but I care about you as a friend.” 2. Address His "I Love You" Message: His "I love you" message is ambiguous and could be coming from a place of emotional vulnerability. It might be helpful to address it in a kind but straightforward way. You could ask him how he meant the message, or just gently acknowledge it by saying, "I’m really touched by your words, but I just want to make sure we’re on the same page about our relationship. For me, I’m looking to keep our friendship as it is right now." 3. Be Compassionate, but Firm: It’s possible that he’s feeling a bit hurt or confused by your response to his confession, so it’s important to be compassionate in your approach while still being firm about your boundaries. Reassure him that you value the friendship, and you want to preserve it, but clarify that you're not interested in a romantic relationship at this time. 4. Set Boundaries: Since it sounds like this has happened before with another friend, it might help to set clear boundaries moving forward. Let him know that if he ever develops feelings for you again, you’d prefer he shares those feelings with you directly rather than letting them build up in a way that causes confusion for both of you. This will help prevent any misunderstandings or hurt feelings in the future. 5. Give Him Space if Needed: If he’s feeling hurt or needs some time to process this, it’s okay to give him space to sort through his emotions. Sometimes, people need time to adjust to the idea of just being friends after romantic feelings have been expressed. In the end, being honest and direct with him will help both of you move forward in a way that feels comfortable and respectful. It’s a tough situation, but clear communication is key. 1664
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