Stephen Christi5 months agoI’ve been dating this guy officially for two months, but we had been talking for a few months before that. Things were going well when we first got together, and I really enjoyed spending time with him. However, when I went on a planned vacation that he knew about but couldn’t attend, everything changed. He barely spoke to me while I was away. He didn’t message me until New Year’s, which was three days after I had already been there. He just said, “Happy New Year,” and after I responded, he didn’t really continue the conversation. Before I left, he said we would FaceTime and stay in touch, but none of that happened. Now that I’m back (I got home on January 3rd), he’s still barely spoken to me and hasn’t made any effort to see me. He’ll reply in group chats with our mutual friends, but when it comes to texting me, it’s like pulling teeth. It’s been two days without any communication from him, and I saw on his Snapchat story that he went out to see a friend, but he still hasn’t even said anything to me. To be honest, I’m about to start college, and I’ll be working full-time to pay for it. As much as I like him, I just can’t keep dealing with this. On top of that, he’s triggered my PTSD over the last two weeks, even though he knows about my triggers and still does things that hurt me. My feelings for him have faded, and I think I want to break up with him, but I’ve never been the one to end things before, especially since I’ve been through a lot of abusive relationships. I’m not sure how to go about it. Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated because, even though I genuinely like him, I just can’t keep putting up with this behavior. Advice and Response: It sounds like you’ve been going through a lot, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling conflicted right now. Here are a few steps and thoughts that might help guide you through this situation: Acknowledge your feelings: It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid. The way he’s been treating you—especially his lack of communication, not keeping his promises, and triggering your PTSD—is hurtful. It's okay to feel frustrated, upset, and ultimately detached when someone isn’t meeting your emotional needs. Evaluate your relationship: From what you've shared, it sounds like the relationship isn’t offering the support or care you need right now. You mentioned that your feelings have faded, and this is a strong signal that your emotional needs may not be being met. Trust your instincts and take time to reflect on what you want in a partner and a relationship. If he’s been neglecting you, dismissing your triggers, and failing to communicate, this may not be a relationship you want to continue investing in. Set boundaries for yourself: Before you make any decisions, it might be helpful to set personal boundaries regarding how much emotional energy you want to invest in him, especially if he’s showing you a lack of effort. Your mental health is crucial, and it’s important to protect it by making decisions that prioritize your well-being. Communicate honestly: If you do decide to break up, being honest and straightforward is key. You deserve to express how you feel, even if it's hard. It can be difficult to be the one to end things, but it sounds like you're already aware that the relationship is no longer working for you. Try to keep the conversation respectful but firm, explaining that you can’t continue because of his behavior and your own emotional needs. You could say something like, “I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve realized that I’m not feeling the way I should in this relationship anymore. The lack of communication and the way you’ve been handling things has made me feel unappreciated and triggered my PTSD. I need to focus on my well-being, and I think it's best for both of us if we part ways.” Don’t feel guilty: It’s natural to feel guilty, especially after being in previous abusive relationships, but it’s important to remember that you are allowed to prioritize yourself and your mental health. You deserve a relationship where you feel valued, heard, and respected. Ending things doesn’t make you a bad person—it’s about taking care of yourself. Seek support: If you’re feeling uncertain or overwhelmed, talk to a close friend or a counselor who can help you process your feelings. It can also be helpful to talk through your concerns before having the conversation with him. Allow yourself space: After the breakup, give yourself some time to heal and reflect on what you've learned from the experience. Focus on your college and work, and take time to invest in your personal growth and well-being. Final thoughts: Breaking up with someone is never easy, but it’s important to remember that you have the right to step away from a relationship that isn’t serving you or making you feel safe. Your needs—especially your emotional and mental health—should always come first, and it sounds like this relationship is no longer contributing positively to your life. Trust your gut, and remember that you are deserving of love and respect in every relationship.1126
Stephen ChristiStephen Christi