Devyn Aaralyn5 months agoI’m 19 years old, and overall, I’m really happy with my life right now. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year, I have a part-time job, and I’ve saved up a few hundred dollars. However, my mom is talking about moving to another town, but I have no idea how far away it is. The problem is, my boyfriend and my workplace are both in the area we currently live in, and the idea of being far from both of them is causing me a lot of anxiety. Right now, we live only about five minutes away from each other, and the thought of a 20-40 minute commute for work, especially since I don’t drive yet, really scares me. My mom has also said that I’ll have to find another job, one with more hours, since I don’t make enough money. She wants me to work 40 hours a week, since I’m not in school right now. This isn’t the first time she’s mentioned moving – she talked to realtors last year and nothing came of it, so I’m scared it might not even happen, but I still feel stuck in this uncertainty. I’m just really scared because my current job doesn’t make enough for me to move out and live on my own, and even if my boyfriend and I shared rent somewhere, we still wouldn’t have enough money to make it work. What’s breaking my heart the most is that my mom doesn’t seem to care about how I feel. I’ve been sobbing for hours, and she’s been indifferent to my emotions, which makes everything even harder to handle. I don’t know what my options are, and I feel so trapped right now. I don’t want to leave my life behind and be forced to change everything, but I also don’t feel like I have much control over the situation. Advice and response: Clarify the situation with your mom: First and foremost, it might help to sit down and have an honest conversation with your mom. Let her know how serious this is for you and explain the impact it’s having on your emotional well-being. It might be helpful to ask her directly how far she plans on moving and when, so that you can start making plans (or at least prepare mentally) for the changes. Since she hasn’t followed through on moving in the past, it could be that things may not move forward as quickly as she’s implying, but it’s worth understanding her exact intentions so that you can plan accordingly. Consider your options for work and finances: It sounds like you’re already aware that your current job won’t support living independently, but you may want to consider how you can increase your income. You might look for other part-time opportunities that can give you more hours, or even start exploring jobs that align with your career interests in the long term, which might offer better pay and more flexibility in the future. Also, while you’re working on increasing your income, having open conversations with your boyfriend about how you could possibly navigate moving out together (if that’s something you both want) is important, but it’s also okay to acknowledge that it might take some time to save enough to make that work. Communicate with your boyfriend about the potential distance: Since you’re worried about being far away from your boyfriend, it’s important to talk openly about how you’re feeling. If you do end up having to move, it’s okay to express your concerns about the distance and see how you both might navigate it. If moving away from him becomes a reality, you’ll both have to figure out how to maintain the relationship despite the distance, whether it’s by scheduling visits, finding ways to stay connected, or considering future living situations. This could also be an opportunity to talk about long-term goals together and how your relationship fits into that picture. Explore your options for driving or commuting: Since your commute time is a big concern, you might want to start researching public transportation options, carpooling with coworkers, or considering learning to drive if it’s feasible for you. While it might seem overwhelming now, having a longer commute doesn’t have to mean it’s unmanageable – it’s just something you’ll have to adjust to if that becomes your reality. Take care of your emotional well-being: It’s clear that this situation is really stressing you out, and it’s okay to feel upset. Having a breakdown in response to big changes and uncertainty is normal, but it’s also important to take care of yourself. Try to take breaks from thinking about the situation when you can, and consider talking to a counselor or trusted friend to help process your emotions. You deserve to have a space where you feel heard and supported. It’s also helpful to engage in self-care practices that can help you feel grounded and less overwhelmed, even if just for a little while. Focus on what you can control: The reality is that you can’t control everything – especially not your mom’s decisions. However, you do have control over your own actions and how you respond to the situation. While you’re waiting for more clarity on your mom’s plans, focus on what you can do to prepare for potential changes, like looking for a job with more hours, researching housing options, and talking openly with your boyfriend about your concerns. You have more power than it might feel like right now. What you can do next: Have a direct conversation with your mom about her plans to move and how it will impact you. Explore job options to increase your income, and consider how you might navigate the financial aspects of moving out. Talk openly with your boyfriend about how you’re feeling about the potential distance and how to stay connected. Look into your commuting options and start preparing for the possibility of a longer commute. Take care of your emotional well-being by reaching out for support and practicing self-care. Focus on what you can control, like researching future possibilities and making plans that align with your goals. It’s understandable that you feel stuck and overwhelmed, but remember that you don’t have to face this alone. By taking one step at a time, you’ll gain more clarity and be able to navigate this challenge with more confidence.1210
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