Dallas Seward5 months agoA year ago, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend (F26) because the relationship was toxic and her parents were overly involved. Since then, I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend (21F) for about 9 months now. My parents love her, but they didn’t like my ex. Despite that, I find myself missing my ex every day. We had a strong connection with the same sense of humor, great intimacy, and an understanding of how to take care of each other emotionally and physically. My current girlfriend and I don’t have that same connection—we don’t have much in common, and while we have a healthy relationship and make each other laugh, we don’t talk about much besides how our days went. In the beginning, our intimacy was great, but lately, she isn’t open to trying new things, and intimacy has become rare and less interesting for me. I feel like the spark is fading. For context, when my current girlfriend and I first started dating, things were going well, and we communicated openly. But then one night, I gave our neighbor a lift home, and he kissed me, though I pulled away immediately. I wasn’t drunk, but he was, and my girlfriend saw the kiss. Since then, I’m not allowed to do anything without her present. I can’t talk to anyone, and she doesn’t want me having any friends (though I never really had any). I’ve had to quit smoking weed, vaping, and drinking because she said she wouldn’t be with me if I didn’t, so I did it for her. But she’s been meaner lately, and we don’t talk much anymore. When I bring up how I feel, she brushes it off, apologizes, but doesn’t change anything. I feel like I’m the only one making sacrifices and that I have no privacy anymore—not even the freedom to go to the bathroom without her being around. I love her deeply, and I want to make her happy, but I feel emotionally drained and unheard. I’ve told her countless times how much I’ve sacrificed and how I miss those things, but she sticks to her own feelings and doesn’t seem to care about mine. I feel incredibly guilty about the kiss, especially since it wasn’t intentional, and I don’t have any feelings for the guy. But she keeps bringing it up and punishing me for it. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me or stop holding it against me. I’ve also gained a lot of weight because I’ve quit smoking and drinking, and I want to lose it, but I don’t know how I can do that when I’m not allowed to do anything by myself. How can I go to the gym or run if she doesn’t let me have space to do so? I love her, and I just want us to be respectful and open with each other, but it’s really difficult when I’m not being heard and feel so lonely with no friends to talk to. That’s why I’m asking for advice here, as I have no one else to turn to. Please don’t misunderstand me—I miss my ex, but not the relationship itself. I just miss the connection and the friendship. So, my question is: What can I do in this situation? Advice and Response: Acknowledge your feelings and needs: It’s clear that you’re feeling overwhelmed, drained, and frustrated by how things are going. You're not just missing your ex but also the friendship and connection you had. It’s natural to want that again, but it’s important to recognize that it’s not about recreating your past relationship but learning to build a healthier connection with someone who respects your needs and boundaries. Communicate openly with your current girlfriend: It sounds like you’ve tried talking to her, but the key is to have a calm, honest conversation where both of you express your needs and concerns. Tell her how you're feeling without being confrontational. You could say something like, "I’ve been feeling really drained and unsupported lately, and I need us to talk openly about our relationship and how we can make things better for both of us." Try to focus on your feelings rather than placing blame. Be clear about needing personal space, your desire to reconnect on a deeper level, and how you feel restricted. She may be struggling with trust, but it’s crucial to set boundaries and talk through these issues without avoiding them. Seek balance between sacrifices and self-care: You’ve made significant sacrifices, but it’s important to maintain your own well-being too. The pressure of giving up things you enjoy (like smoking, drinking, or even having privacy) can cause resentment. If these are things you value, you need to find a balance. Explain to her that while you love her and respect her wishes, there also needs to be room for you to be yourself and take care of your mental and physical health. If you’re feeling restricted to the point of exhaustion, it’s vital that you address this head-on. Build your own support network: It seems like you’re incredibly isolated right now with no friends and limited personal space. That’s a huge burden. It’s essential to find ways to reconnect with people you trust, whether that's through online communities, reconnecting with old friends, or engaging in hobbies that make you feel connected to yourself. Having a support system outside your relationship will help you feel less lonely and give you a better sense of emotional balance. Take care of your physical and emotional health: Gaining weight due to stress and lifestyle changes is common, but you can take small steps to improve your physical health. You don’t have to go to the gym right away, but you can start with simple activities like walking, stretching, or doing bodyweight exercises at home. It’s important to communicate your desire to improve your physical health while respecting her boundaries. Maybe propose a compromise where you can find a way to exercise that feels good for you, and see if she’s open to respecting that. Reevaluate the relationship dynamics: After 9 months, if you're still feeling unheard and restricted, it’s essential to evaluate whether this relationship is meeting both of your needs. Love is about mutual respect, communication, and understanding. If those things aren’t happening and you're constantly sacrificing your happiness, it may be time to reconsider if this relationship is sustainable in the long term. What you can do next: Have an honest, calm conversation with your girlfriend about how you feel. Set clear boundaries around your personal freedom, including time for self-care and hobbies. Work on rebuilding your own support network and reconnecting with things that make you feel fulfilled outside of the relationship. Take small steps to focus on your physical and emotional health, even if that means exercising at home for now. Reflect on whether this relationship is truly fulfilling your needs, or if it might be time to reassess things for your own well-being. Your feelings are valid, and while it's clear that you care deeply for her, it’s important that both of you are willing to compromise and communicate openly for the relationship to grow in a healthy direction. 1250
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