Cliff Malone6 months agoI'm an 18-year-old guy who has yet to go on a single date, and trust me, I’ve really tried. I’ve set up multiple dates with people, but I always end up getting stuck in the talking stage, and they bail on me, either the day before or just a few hours before. You might be thinking maybe I’m not good-looking or have a bad personality, but I don’t think that's the case. I genuinely try to be nice to people, help them, and see everyone happy. I’ve been called a people-pleaser for it, haha. As for my looks, I’m 5’6” (yes, short, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal), I’m Puerto Rican, so I have naturally tan skin, and my hair is wavy-straight and around short to medium length. My eyes are brown, I weigh about 120lbs (currently working on bulking), and I wear glasses (they’re not those bulky, nerdy square ones). I don’t think my face is bad either; people have even compared me to Cristiano Ronaldo, just without the longer face. I’ve honestly been trying to figure out what it is that’s wrong because I just can’t find a partner. I’m open to dating women as well, but I often feel like when people see me, they think, "Oh, he’s nice, smart, and that’s it" — nothing more, or that I’m just another twink. Over the last couple of years, I’ve tried to go on a few dates, but every time, it’s like I never make it out of the talking stage. One guy I had been talking to for three years told me he didn’t know what he wanted after bailing on me twice. Fine, I accepted that and moved on, only for the next time I tried, the same thing happened again — another date that never materialized, and it just left me feeling like I was putting in all the effort. This pattern has been frustrating, and I feel like I’m always the one reaching out first. It’s exhausting. But I’m still willing to make the effort because I want to, but when people just don’t respond, it leaves me wondering what I’m doing wrong. So, what do you all think? Is it my choice of men who are always too busy to reply, even though they’ve expressed interest? Or is it something else? I’m not looking for reassurance; I just want to know what other people make of this situation. Answer: I hear your frustration, and I think you're asking really important questions. It seems like you're putting in genuine effort and it’s not being reciprocated, which can feel really disheartening. Here are some things that could help you understand what might be going on: The Talking Stage Trap: It sounds like you’re getting stuck in the talking stage, which is very common in modern dating. A lot of people love the idea of connecting with someone, but they aren’t always ready to follow through or invest in something more meaningful. This doesn’t necessarily reflect on you, but it can be frustrating when you’re trying to get out of the talking stage and into a date. Choice of Partners: It seems like you’re encountering people who either aren’t as serious about committing or aren’t good at following through. Sometimes, people may say they’re interested but aren’t ready for a relationship, or they might just be busy in a way that causes them to bail. It's important to try and identify if the people you’re choosing to date are aligned with your intentions. If you find you’re constantly facing the same issues with similar types of people, it might be worth considering adjusting who you're pursuing or how you're engaging with them. Online Dating & Expectations: Modern dating apps and social media have created an environment where many people are overwhelmed with messages and conversations. It can be easy to get lost in the shuffle or for people to not treat conversations with the seriousness you’d like. If you’re finding that your connections are coming from online spaces, it might help to try and take things offline more quickly, or to filter out those who are clearly not putting in the same effort as you. Patience & Timing: Sometimes it’s simply a matter of timing. People go through phases where they’re just not looking for a relationship, even if they’re talking to you. It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you personally. Communication Styles: It sounds like you’re a kind, considerate person who likes to make people happy, and while that’s amazing, it can sometimes lead to you overextending yourself. Try to maintain a balance of giving without giving too much, especially to people who are not showing the same level of interest or effort. It’s easy to burn out when you’re always the one reaching out first. Work on Your Confidence: Building confidence in yourself and the way you approach dating can be really helpful. Not in terms of changing who you are, but in terms of recognizing your value and not overinvesting in people who aren't equally invested in you. Keep focusing on your goals and the things that make you happy—this will naturally attract the right people to you. Ultimately, it’s not about you being “wrong” in any way, but sometimes the right fit takes time, patience, and learning from each experience. Keep your boundaries in mind, continue being the great person you are, and don’t settle for anything less than someone who is willing to meet you halfway. 1108
Cliff MaloneCliff Malone