Charnette Reign5 months agoI’m a 40-year-old woman and I’ve been working as a sales manager for nearly six years. The company I work for recently promoted a guy from the nursery production team to upper management. Initially, we got along well, even having a joking, friendly relationship. However, lately, his behavior has become difficult to handle. He’s often rude, passive-aggressive, or speaks to me in a hostile tone, and I don’t understand why. At one point, I reported multiple incidents to my boss (the owner of the company), and she advised me to avoid asking him for help, which I did. I tried to work around him by finding other people to help our customers, especially with loading plants. But despite my efforts, we still need to communicate regularly to ensure we’re on the same page with various tasks. Recently, I asked him about setting up a shade tent, and when I mentioned that another employee could help, he responded with hostility, saying, “Yeah, I’ve been doing that since 7:15 this morning.” I calmly responded, “Okay, would you like this employee to help you?” They both worked together to set up the tent after that, but his tone and attitude left me feeling taken aback and confused. The thing I don’t understand is why he speaks to me this way. He doesn’t act this way with other coworkers or people, and it always seems to happen when our two female higher-ups aren’t around. When they’re present, he’s very eager to please and acts overly polite. But when they’re not around, he becomes bitter and difficult to communicate with. I’ve talked to our HR guy (who’s my boss’s stepdad) about this multiple times, but he always brushes it off by telling me not to take it personally. He claims the guy is overwhelmed, stressed, and unaware of his rudeness. While I understand that people can have bad days, I’ve tried to explain that I just want to be treated with respect, no matter my position. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect respect and kindness in the workplace. Honestly, it’s starting to wear on me so much that I’m considering quitting this job over the way he treats me. I’ve been here longer than he has, and I get along with everyone else in the company, but his attitude makes my job unnecessarily harder. I’m just not sure why he feels it’s okay to speak to me like that or how I should handle it. I’m at a loss, and it’s really starting to affect my well-being. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated. Advice: It sounds like you’ve been trying to approach this situation with professionalism and patience, but it’s understandably becoming exhausting for you. Here are some potential steps you could consider: Set Boundaries and Address the Behavior Directly: It’s important to assertively but calmly set boundaries. While it might feel uncomfortable, you should communicate to him directly that the way he speaks to you is not acceptable. You can let him know that you understand he may be stressed or overwhelmed, but regardless of those factors, you expect to be spoken to with respect. Sometimes people are unaware of how their behavior is affecting others, and a direct conversation may help him realize that his tone and language are crossing a line. You could say something like, “I understand you may be under pressure, but I need us to communicate respectfully. When you speak to me in that tone, it makes it difficult for me to work effectively.” Document Your Interactions: Keep a record of any hostile or passive-aggressive exchanges you have with him. This will not only help you stay clear about what’s happening but will also be useful if you decide to escalate the situation later on. Your HR department might be more inclined to take action if they have a clear record of the behavior. Escalate to HR: Since you’ve already spoken to HR and it seems like they’ve been dismissive of your concerns, it may be time to escalate this issue formally. While it’s not ideal to have to do this, you are well within your rights to request a workplace environment free from hostility and disrespect. Be specific about the behavior, including instances when he’s been rude or hostile, and how it’s impacting your job. If HR does not respond to your concerns, you may want to consider going to a higher level of leadership or even seeking external advice if the issue isn’t addressed. Use Your Support System: You mentioned that you get along with the rest of your colleagues, which is a positive sign. It may help to talk to others you trust about how you’re feeling. Sometimes just sharing your frustrations with people you trust at work can make you feel less isolated. They might also offer suggestions for how to handle the situation or even help advocate for you if needed. Consider Your Well-being: It’s concerning that you’re considering quitting over this one person’s behavior, and it’s clear that his actions are affecting your mental health and job satisfaction. While it’s important to stand up for yourself and demand respect, also make sure you’re prioritizing your well-being. If this behavior continues and the situation doesn’t improve, it may be worth considering whether staying in this environment is worth the toll it’s taking on you. Sometimes a toxic workplace dynamic can make it harder to be effective or enjoy your job, and it may ultimately be worth looking for a different work environment if things don’t change. Look for Solutions, Not Just Problems: As difficult as it is, try to approach this issue from a solutions-based perspective. While it’s incredibly frustrating to be disrespected, focusing on what concrete steps can be taken (whether it’s through communication, HR, or other means) might help alleviate some of the stress. While you can’t control his behavior, you can take action to protect yourself and ensure your work environment is one where you feel safe, respected, and supported. In the end, you deserve to be treated with respect at work. If this behavior continues, it’s worth pushing harder for a resolution. You shouldn’t have to tolerate a hostile work environment, especially from someone who is acting unprofessionally. Hopefully, taking these steps will help you address the issue and restore a more positive dynamic with him or lead to a resolution. 1155
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