Parke Carleya year agoMy girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, and lately, she’s been refusing to talk on the phone or send me voice notes. Last year, she used to send them, but this year, she keeps making excuses and ultimately says she prefers texting. She told me that the main reason is that she feels uncomfortable talking on the phone or sending voice messages because her family can hear her. Even though she has her own room, the walls are thin, and she doesn’t want to be heard speaking in a different language. She does go out on her own to university and other places, but when it comes to us, it just feels impossible for her to do it. I’m starting to wonder if I’m being weird or unreasonable for asking her about it. The last time I heard her voice was five months ago, and we’ve met in person before. I really miss hearing her voice, and I keep asking her about it, but she keeps refusing. Am I being needy? Should I stop asking, or am I justified in wanting to hear from her more? Advice: It sounds like you're feeling frustrated and disconnected due to the lack of voice communication, and it's understandable that you miss hearing her voice, especially in a long-distance relationship. However, there are a few important things to consider here: Respect Her Boundaries: Your girlfriend has clearly expressed that she’s uncomfortable talking on the phone due to family reasons, and it’s important to respect her boundaries. It’s possible that she feels self-conscious or that there’s an added level of pressure to perform when it comes to voice communication. While it might seem like a small issue to you, it’s a big deal for her, and continuing to press her on it may lead to feelings of frustration or resentment. Communication Preferences: It’s essential to recognize that people have different communication preferences. While you might miss hearing her voice, it seems like she’s more comfortable with texting, which is often a less intimate form of communication for some. It doesn’t necessarily mean she cares about you any less; it could just be her preferred method of staying in touch. Talk About It Honestly: It might help to have an open and honest conversation with her about how you feel, without pressuring her. Let her know that you miss hearing her voice, and explain why it’s important to you. Try to listen to her perspective as well and understand her reasons. Frame the conversation in a way that expresses your desire for more connection, but also show empathy for her concerns. Don’t Push Too Hard: If she continues to refuse and her reasons haven’t changed, it might be best to stop asking for voice notes or calls for now. Sometimes, the more you ask, the more it can feel like pressure. Respecting her comfort zone will go a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic. Find Other Ways to Connect: Since texting is her preferred way of communicating, perhaps you can try to find creative ways to make texting more engaging. Maybe send longer, thoughtful texts, or share experiences through messages that feel meaningful. You can also focus on other forms of connection, like planning visits or sharing experiences through video or photos. Understand the Bigger Picture: While it might feel like a minor issue, in long-distance relationships, small things can feel significant because you’re both looking for ways to stay connected. However, this might not necessarily reflect her feelings about the relationship. If she’s still investing in other ways, like planning visits or staying in touch through texting, it’s important to look at the bigger picture and not just focus on the voice communication aspect. Ultimately, your feelings are valid, but it’s also important to be mindful of her comfort level and not let this become a source of tension. Having an open and understanding conversation can help both of you navigate this situation while maintaining a healthy balance. 167
Parke CarleyParke Carley