Elora Sapphire5 months agoI (24F) have been seeing this guy (28M) for about 7 months. He’s Muslim, and I’m not really religious. In the beginning, we went back and forth between being friends and dating, because we had some differences, like religion, modest clothing, family values, etc. Most of the issues came from his side, not mine. It became really confusing and exhausting because we liked each other and had great chemistry, but the back-and-forth wasn't sustainable. After some time, he suggested we just see how things go for the first 6 months, and if everything works out, we would become official. He has asked me to dress more modestly (no shorts, no leggings at the gym, no sleeveless tops). This was a big change for me, as I used to wear all of these things, but I agreed because I genuinely like him and wanted to respect his preferences. However, after 7 months, things still haven't progressed, and he hasn't officially asked me out. We pretty much act like a couple, but we haven’t had that formal step yet. He talks about marriage a lot — seriously, not joking. He’s said things like “We should get married within this year” and “We need to make this halal as soon as possible.” He talks about how we should tell our parents and get their approval, as well as our future married life and having kids. These aren’t just fantasies for him — he’s genuinely serious about it. But despite all this talk, he still hasn’t officially asked me out. It feels like we’re moving from friends to marriage without ever having a proper dating phase. I do really like him, but I’m feeling unsure. What should I do? Answer: It sounds like you're in a really complicated situation. There are a few key things you can reflect on in order to better understand your feelings and decide on the best way forward: Clarify Your Own Needs: It’s important to understand what you truly want from this relationship. While you like him, you’re understandably concerned about the lack of clarity and the pace at which things are moving. You’ve already agreed to compromise by changing the way you dress for his comfort, but you also need to assess what you need in return — especially when it comes to emotional clarity and commitment. You deserve to be with someone who respects your needs and desires as much as you respect theirs. Communicate Your Feelings: Since you’ve already mentioned that you feel like you’re skipping over the dating stage and jumping straight into serious discussions about marriage, it might be helpful to have an open conversation with him. Let him know that while you are interested in a future with him, you also need clarity about the status of your relationship. Express that you’re looking for more of a formal commitment (like him officially asking you out) before moving forward with marriage discussions. This will help establish mutual understanding and ensure that both of you are on the same page. Understand the Pressure He Might Feel: It’s clear that he’s serious about marriage and might be feeling the pressure of his age and religious values. Sometimes, cultural or familial expectations can lead people to jump into serious commitments before they feel ready or before certain steps are taken. While his desire for a serious future is understandable, he should also recognize that moving too fast may create unnecessary pressure and confusion. Evaluate Compatibility: You’ve mentioned that the relationship has had ups and downs, and it’s important to assess whether you’re truly compatible, especially if major differences (like religion, family values, and lifestyle choices) are involved. Being on the same page regarding life goals, values, and timelines is key in any relationship, and you should feel comfortable enough to discuss these things openly. Set Boundaries and Expectations: Setting clear boundaries about where you are in the relationship is essential. If you’re not yet officially together, it’s important to have that conversation to define your status. You deserve a sense of security, and discussing your boundaries will give both of you the clarity you need to move forward with confidence. It seems like you’re in a bit of a limbo, so a candid conversation might help clarify things and ensure you're both headed in the same direction. Take some time to reflect on your feelings, and don’t hesitate to express them. If he truly wants a future with you, he’ll understand your concerns and be open to having that important conversation.141
Elora SapphireElora Sapphire