Kellen Tevin6 months agoI’m 30 (male) and I’ve fallen in love with my ex-girlfriend’s sister-in-law, "Jennifer" (27, female). My ex and I (28, female) were together for 5 years, but our relationship had many ups and downs, and we’ve grown apart. Despite trying to make it work, I just didn’t see a future with her. Jennifer has been married to her husband for 11 years, and they have two kids. However, their marriage is extremely toxic. Her husband has cheated on her throughout their marriage and has been both mentally and physically abusive. Even though he apologizes each time, things always repeat themselves. Jennifer and I started talking about 25 months ago on Snapchat when she reached out to check on me after my breakup. Our conversations began casually but quickly grew into daily exchanges where we found we shared similar life values. Over time, our conversations became more intense and eventually led to a physical affair. For the last 25 months, we've been in this affair. She has told me that she loves me and wants to leave her husband. She says she hasn’t been happy for years and can never trust him again. I’m deeply in love with Jennifer and her kids. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and I’ve never felt a connection like this in any of my past relationships. She wants to have a second child with me and even turned down a doctor’s suggestion for a hysterectomy to give us that chance. She says she’s planning to leave her husband but hasn’t yet because she’s scared of the unknown and the what-ifs. She says she wants me 110% and sees herself marrying me. I bring her happiness and motivation, and she feels a connection with me like she’s never felt before. Now I’m confused and unsure of what to do. I don’t know how to move forward. Any advice? Answer: It sounds like you’re in a very complicated and emotionally charged situation, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling lost and conflicted. Here are a few things to consider: Consider the Ethics and Consequences: While you and Jennifer clearly have a strong emotional bond, it’s important to recognize the ethical implications of being involved in an affair. Jennifer’s husband has treated her poorly, but the affair itself can add further complications for both her and you, especially when it comes to trust and integrity. Reflect on whether you feel comfortable with the situation’s complexity and potential harm to all parties involved. Jennifer’s Current Relationship: Jennifer is in an abusive marriage, and while it’s clear that she’s emotionally unhappy and seeking support, it’s crucial for her to take the steps necessary to leave her current marriage in a healthy, legal, and safe way. Her indecision about when to leave might be due to fear, and while it’s understandable, you need to ensure that she has the clarity and emotional stability to make decisions for herself, especially for her children. Rushing into a new relationship while she’s still in an unresolved one may cause more pain for everyone in the long run. Moving Forward with Your Relationship: You clearly care deeply for Jennifer, and she seems to feel the same. But before considering a future together, both of you need to address the emotional fallout from your current relationships and ensure that everything is fully resolved. Make sure that Jennifer is leaving her marriage for the right reasons—not just because of the affair, but because she wants a healthier and happier future for herself and her children. Rushing into a relationship too quickly could repeat unhealthy patterns. Be Honest About Your Intentions: If you’re serious about being with Jennifer, be honest with yourself and her about what both of you want. Make sure that both of you have a clear vision of your future together and have addressed the challenges of her leaving an abusive marriage. Is she emotionally ready to start fresh, or are there unresolved issues she needs to work through? Take Time to Reflect: This is a heavy situation, and it’s important to give yourself time to step back and reflect. Take a break from the emotional intensity, and try to approach the situation logically. Make sure you’re considering all the aspects of Jennifer’s current marriage, her emotional state, and your own role in helping her heal. In the end, it’s crucial that both of you prioritize emotional clarity, healing, and honesty. Moving forward, ensure that decisions are made with careful consideration and not out of immediate emotional impulses. 145