Emilia Olly6 months agoI (17F) have been really close to my best friend (18F) for almost 12 years now. A week ago, I found out that she’s in love with me, and I’m completely unsure of what to do. We’ve always been close—people often ask if we’re dating, but I thought it was just because I’m openly bisexual and we live in a small area, not because of how we act around each other. But after learning about her feelings, I’ve started noticing things we do that are more than just platonic. We go out to nice restaurants together at least once a month, we have each other’s faces saved to unlock our phones, we run errands together just the two of us, half of her wardrobe is mine, she often pays for everything when we hang out (since I’m saving up for college), and she gives me massages because I have a condition that causes chronic pain. At the time, I thought all of this was just part of our friendship, but now it feels like it could have meant more to her. The problem is, now I know about her feelings, and I don’t know whether I should bring it up or not. I’m afraid that saying anything could change our friendship, but I also feel guilty knowing this secret she hasn’t shared with me. If she wanted me to know, she would’ve told me, right? But now that I know, it feels dishonest to just keep acting like I don’t know. The thing is, I don’t feel the same way about her. If I tell her I know, it would be kind of a rejection, and I don’t want to make her feel embarrassed or hurt. I also worry that I might be leading her on—especially with how we interact—and I never intended to do that. It’s all been innocent on my end, but now I’m wondering if continuing these behaviors might be confusing her. I don’t want to distance myself from her because that would only hurt us both, but I’m not sure how to handle this without making things awkward or pushing her away without an explanation. I’m just really torn about what to do. Any advice would be helpful. As for how I found out, a mutual friend told me that my best friend had drunkenly admitted that she was in love with the person she begrudgingly used Discord with. She asked me if I knew who it was, and I realized it was me. During the pandemic in 8th grade, I had a big gaming phase, and I used to call her on Discord while streaming my games for her to watch. I know for a fact that I was the only person she talked to on that app during that time. Advice: This is a very delicate situation, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling torn. Here’s some advice to help you navigate it: Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s important to be honest with yourself first. You’re in a situation where your best friend is in love with you, but you don’t feel the same way. It’s not wrong to not reciprocate her feelings, but acknowledging that is the first step. You’re not obligated to feel the same way, and your feelings are valid. Decide Whether to Address It: Since you now know about her feelings, it would be unfair to keep it a secret from her. However, it’s equally important to approach the conversation with care. You don’t need to reject her immediately, but having an open, kind, and honest conversation is necessary. It will allow you both to clear the air and decide how to proceed without leaving things unresolved. You might say something like, “I’ve realized that you’ve developed feelings for me, and I really value our friendship. I don’t feel the same way, but I want us to talk about it so things don’t feel awkward or misunderstood between us.” Clarify the Friendship Boundaries: After you talk to her, it might be important to re-establish clear boundaries about your friendship. If you continue to do things that might be interpreted as romantic (like sharing clothes or giving massages), it could make it harder for her to move on. On the other hand, you don’t want to completely shut her out, especially if you care about her deeply. A balance is key—maintaining a close friendship without sending mixed signals. Be Compassionate but Firm: It’s likely going to be hard for her to hear that you don’t feel the same way, and that’s okay. You can still be compassionate and supportive without compromising your feelings. Validate her emotions by acknowledging that it’s not easy to share something so personal, and assure her that you’re grateful for her friendship. Give Her Time: After the conversation, she may need some space to process her emotions. Give her time to come to terms with what you’ve said, and be prepared for the possibility that things may feel different for a while. Sometimes friendships go through an adjustment period after this kind of revelation, but with time and communication, it can often return to a healthy and platonic dynamic. Consider Your Own Needs: If you continue to feel conflicted or uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to lean on other friends or a trusted adult for support. You don’t have to navigate this alone, and it’s important to prioritize your own emotional well-being as well. Above all, remember that you’re not responsible for her feelings, but you are responsible for how you handle the situation with kindness and honesty. It’s okay to not have all the answers right away, but taking the first step to address things openly will help you both find a way forward. 169
Emilia OllyEmilia Olly