Makayla Sharyn6 months ago I (18F) have known my friend (19F) for almost four years. We met when I was a sophomore in high school (16) and she was a junior (17). Even though I only attended the same school for a short while before dropping out, we quickly became close friends. We did so many fun things together, like going to see Black Panther opening day, going to the fair, thrifting, and attending a Christmas event. She was so kind, beautiful, and fun, and I developed feelings for her quickly. But I didn’t want to assume anything about her sexuality, so I didn’t act on it. Things took a turn when she asked me to prom, which made me think she might have feelings for me too. She said it was “just as friends,” but she also mentioned taking me to dinner, which felt like a date to me. I was so excited, planning everything, but things fell apart because of a situation with CPS and my mom. My friend was upset with me, and we didn’t talk for three months. When we reconnected, it was like nothing had changed, except now she had a new boyfriend, a freshman who treated her terribly. Even though I still had feelings for her, I did my best to be supportive and just be her friend. Over time, I learned that she had a major crush on me and that many of our hangouts, like the Christmas event, were meant to be dates. I felt heartbroken, as I was always oblivious to her feelings. A few months later, I messaged her, sharing how hurt I was, but I ended up blocking her. That was a poor move, I admit, but I was 16 at the time. Fast forward to last August, we started talking again, and everything seemed like it was picking up where we left off. But now she’s in a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat her well, and I feel frustrated because I know I could treat her better than anyone else. Recently, I’ve been feeling like I still have deep feelings for her. She complains about her boyfriend often, and I try to comfort her, letting her know I’m always here for her. I’m struggling because I’m still in love with her, but I don’t want to complicate things. She’s dealing with a lot right now, and I don’t want to put extra pressure on her. But at the same time, it’s eating me up inside. What should I do? Should I tell her how I feel or keep supporting her as a friend, even though it hurts? Suggested Answer: It’s clear you care deeply for your friend, and you’ve been navigating some complex emotions for a long time. Here’s what I suggest: Reflect on Your Feelings: It sounds like you’ve been in love with her for a while, but it’s important to recognize that your feelings might be influenced by years of friendship and the longing for a relationship that never happened. Take some time to really think about your feelings and whether you’re holding onto them out of hope or if it’s truly about your connection with her. Respect Her Current Relationship: Even though you feel frustrated with her boyfriend and believe she deserves better, it's crucial to remember that your friend is in a relationship right now. She may not be ready to leave him or might still be processing her own feelings. It’s important to respect where she is emotionally, even if you think she deserves more. Timing Is Key: Your friend is going through a lot, and adding a confession on top of her struggles might be too much. If you do choose to tell her how you feel, make sure it’s at a time when she’s not overwhelmed, and when you both have the space to talk openly. That way, you can have a calm, honest conversation about your feelings without adding pressure. Be Honest, But Don’t Expect Anything: When you do decide to talk to her, be honest about your feelings, but make sure to frame it in a way that gives her space to process. Understand that she may not feel the same way, and be prepared for any outcome. Whether she reciprocates or not, it’s important to be emotionally prepared. Protect Your Own Heart: It’s clear you care deeply for her, but you also need to take care of yourself. If her being in a relationship with someone else continues to hurt you, it might be necessary to create some distance to protect your own emotional well-being. Sometimes, loving someone means recognizing when it’s time to let go or give them the space to figure things out on their own. Friendship Is Important, Too: Regardless of how you move forward, don’t lose sight of the friendship you’ve built. If your feelings aren’t reciprocated, it may be painful, but being her friend is still a valuable and meaningful relationship. If you decide to take a step back, focus on maintaining that friendship without letting your emotions complicate things. In the end, it’s about balancing your feelings with respect for her choices. If you do decide to confess, make sure to do it when the time is right, and be ready to support her, no matter the outcome. Good luck, and take care of yourself as you navigate this situation.282
Makayla SharynMakayla Sharyn