Kaylin Lazarus5 months agoI (20F) have been best friends with two guys my whole life. I met Dom (20M) in kindergarten, and Ian (21M) in 5th grade. After high school, I moved out of my parents' house and into my sister’s place. I hadn’t seen Ian or Dom in 9 months until they came to visit me for New Year's. Things got a bit complicated recently. Ian found out I had started seeing someone who happened to be a relative of his. The situation exploded. Dom was really upset, and the relative I was seeing decided to end things for the sake of his family. It really hurt because I genuinely liked him, but I’m trying to move on and rebuild my friendship with Ian and Dom. During the New Year visit, Ian told me that he had been in love with me for a decade, since we met in middle school. He said he’d tried to move on, but being best friends and so close made it difficult. Over the years, we’ve been through a lot, always supporting each other even when we were mad at each other. 2024 was a tough year for me. I went through a painful breakup with a girl I thought I would be with long-term. Some people came back into my life, but it didn’t go well. I also had a tough time dealing with the anniversary of my grandma’s passing. Ian and Dom were there for me, supporting me, and helping me through it. Then Ian’s uncle passed away, and of course, Dom and I were there for him too. Ian and I have been texting and playing video games together every night. But now, things feel different after hearing about his feelings. When he and Dom went home, I broke down about everything—the way Ian feels, the relative I was seeing, and Dom’s anger. Now, I’m wondering if I should give Ian a chance. It’s a bit strange, but Ian is such a sweet person. He’s generous, polite, well-mannered, and makes me laugh. I’m unsure whether I should pursue something with him, or if I should give him space to move on. I already told him I don’t feel the same way, and while I think he’s cute and nice, I’m not sexually attracted to him. I worry that not having that attraction could cause issues for both of us. I’m really torn. I think Ian would be an amazing boyfriend, and my family loves him. But I’m unsure if I should go for it, or if I should just let it be and let him move on. I’m just not sure what the right choice is. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Response: It sounds like you're going through a lot of emotional turbulence, and I can see why you're unsure about what to do. It's understandable to feel conflicted when a best friend confesses feelings they've had for a long time, especially when your connection is so deep. It's important to listen to your own feelings. Even if Ian is a wonderful person, you mentioned that you’re not sexually attracted to him, which is an important consideration in any romantic relationship. If you’re unsure about your romantic feelings and are concerned about not having that level of attraction, it could create tension in the relationship later on. On the other hand, friendship can sometimes evolve into something more, but it’s also crucial to prioritize honesty. If you’re still not sure, it’s okay to take time for reflection and allow Ian to process his feelings as well. Just make sure both of you are clear about where you stand and what you're looking for. It's also important to consider your boundaries and whether you’re okay with things potentially changing between you and Ian, especially if his feelings are not reciprocated. If you're unsure, giving it time might be the best approach. Your emotions might change over time, and that could give you more clarity. Ultimately, it’s your decision. But try to be honest with yourself, and also with Ian, about how you feel. You might not have an answer right now, and that’s okay. Just make sure you're considering both your feelings and Ian's as you navigate this situation. 245
Kaylin LazarusKaylin Lazarus