Rachelle Jasmin6 months agoI (24F) have been dating a guy (28M) for 7 months now. He’s Muslim, and I’m not very religious. In the beginning, we were going back and forth between being friends and dating due to some differences, like religion, modest clothing, and family values. Most of these issues were on his side, and none on mine. The whole back-and-forth dynamic has been confusing and exhausting, especially since we match each other’s energy really well, and we both like each other. At one point, he said we should see how things go for the first 6 months, and if everything worked out, we’d make it official. He wants me to dress modestly, which is quite a change for me, as I’ve worn clothes like shorts, fitted outfits, and gym leggings. I agreed to this because I genuinely like him. But now, after 7 months, he still hasn’t officially asked me out, although we act like a couple. He often talks about marriage seriously—saying things like, “We should get married within this year” or “We should make this halal as soon as possible.” He talks about telling our parents, how our married life would be, having kids, etc. It’s not just talk for the future; he seriously expects us to be married soon. He even brings up his concerns about being closer to 30 and wanting to be married before then. For me, it feels like we’re jumping from friendship to marriage without taking the normal steps in between. But I really like him, so I’m confused about what to do. Thoughts & Advice: Understand His Viewpoint: It seems like he is deeply focused on his faith, his desire for a committed, halal relationship, and his belief in moving toward marriage quickly. His desire to get married before 30 is probably a big motivator for him, and for some people, this urgency around commitment is tied to both personal and cultural expectations. From his perspective, he may be showing you that he’s serious about the relationship by talking about marriage plans so frequently. Clarify the Relationship Status: You’ve been in this situation for 7 months, but it seems like you’re still unsure of your actual status—are you officially dating or still “in limbo?” If you haven’t been asked out yet, it’s understandable that you’re feeling confused. You’ve agreed to some significant compromises for him, like wearing modest clothing, but you're left wondering why he hasn’t taken the step to make things official. This isn’t just about commitment—it’s about clarity. You deserve to know where you stand. Communicate Your Feelings: Since you've been on this back-and-forth journey for months, the most important step is to have a candid conversation with him about your concerns. It's important to let him know how you're feeling about his marriage talk and why it's causing confusion. Explain that while you do like him, you need a clear understanding of where the relationship stands. Do you both need to take official steps to make the relationship more secure before jumping into discussions of marriage? You might want to ask him why he talks about marriage so seriously without actually asking you out. Examine the Pace: It’s perfectly okay to want a relationship that builds more slowly, especially when you’re making important compromises like changing your style of dress or navigating cultural differences. You don’t have to rush into marriage, and you can express that to him. Tell him you’re open to discussing a future together but need to be sure that the relationship is healthy and moving at a pace that feels right for both of you. Align on Expectations: It's crucial to discuss both of your expectations moving forward—especially when it comes to religion, family, and your future together. While he may have strong religious values that guide his decisions, you need to make sure that your values are also respected. The lifestyle changes you’ve agreed to, like dressing modestly, should come from a place of genuine mutual respect, not just because he’s asking for it. Don’t Settle for Ambiguity: It’s normal to feel conflicted when you like someone, but you’re not getting the clarity you need. If you find that after expressing your concerns, he still doesn’t provide clear answers or takes too long to make a move, then you may need to reevaluate how fulfilling this relationship is for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries, communicates clearly, and provides the commitment you're both looking for, at a pace that feels right. Next Steps: Initiate a Clear Conversation: Ask him directly about his intentions and where he sees the relationship going. Is he serious about making things official, or is he just talking about marriage out of a sense of urgency without solidifying the present relationship? Set Your Own Boundaries and Expectations: Be clear with yourself about what you need from this relationship, especially regarding the pacing of commitment. If you're feeling uncomfortable or confused about jumping straight to marriage talk, it's okay to ask for more time to build the relationship in a way that feels authentic to both of you. Evaluate if Your Needs Are Being Met: Reflect on whether you’re truly happy in the relationship. Is the pace, the compromises, and the level of communication working for you? If not, having a boundary-setting conversation might be the next step. Final Thoughts: It seems like you genuinely like him, but there are some significant issues to address before moving forward with marriage talks. Take the time to communicate openly about your concerns and see if you can find a pace and understanding that works for both of you. You deserve clarity and mutual respect in your relationship, and you don't have to rush into something you're not ready for. 11.3K
Rachelle JasminRachelle Jasmin