Jonie Tracie6 months agoI’m a 40M who recently got divorced after being with my ex for over 20 years. We’ve been apart for about 7 months now, and I’ve started a new relationship with an amazing woman that’s been going on for almost 3 months. Since my ex was the only person I ever dated, I’m realizing that I’ve carried over some habits and expectations from that long relationship. For example, I sometimes expect the same level of communication—like immediate or quick responses—that I had with my ex. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a new person, and the relationship dynamic is different. For those of you who’ve returned to dating later in life, do you have any tips on adjusting to the dating world again or on building a healthy relationship from scratch? I really want to approach this new relationship with the right mindset and learn from my past. Suggested Advice or Responses: Recognize and Respect the Differences: It’s understandable that after being in a long-term relationship, some habits and expectations will carry over, but it's important to recognize that each relationship is unique. Your new partner has her own style of communication, and it's essential to understand and respect her needs and pace. Try to balance your expectations with an open mind and give both of you time to adjust to the new dynamic. Take It Slow and Build Trust: After being in a long marriage, it’s easy to fall into old patterns, but a new relationship will need its own time to develop trust, intimacy, and understanding. Avoid rushing things or expecting instant closeness like you may have had with your ex. Building trust and emotional connection in a new relationship is a gradual process, so give it the time and space it needs. Communicate Openly and Honestly: Clear communication is key, and it’s great that you’ve recognized the importance of adjusting your expectations around this. Be open about your past experiences, and let your new partner know what you’re learning about yourself in the process. Share your thoughts and concerns without putting pressure on her to meet every expectation right away. Focus on the Present: While reflecting on the past can help you understand where you’re coming from, try to focus on the present moment and your current relationship. It can be tempting to compare your new partner to your ex, but it’s important to embrace the individuality of your new connection and appreciate what makes it special. Let your new partner be her own person rather than seeing her through the lens of your previous relationship. Give Yourself Time to Heal: Even though it’s been 7 months since your divorce, it’s important to recognize that emotional healing from a long-term relationship takes time. Be kind to yourself and understand that certain habits or expectations may not change overnight. Allow yourself the space to grow and learn from the past while also being present in your new relationship. Set New Relationship Goals: Think about what you want from your current relationship and communicate those goals with your partner. Whether it's building a deeper connection, being more emotionally available, or simply enjoying each other's company without pressure, setting goals will help you focus on creating a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Embrace the Learning Process: Remember, dating again after being in a long relationship is a learning experience. There will be bumps along the way, but each one is an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your partner, and how to build a stronger bond. Keep an open mind, stay patient, and be willing to adapt to each other’s needs as you grow together. Final Thoughts: Dating again after a long marriage is a process of growth and change. By being patient with yourself and your new partner, staying open to new communication styles, and focusing on building a healthy, understanding relationship, you’ll create a foundation that allows both of you to flourish. Be mindful of the past, but don’t let it define your future relationship. Embrace the journey with a positive mindset! 31.3K
Jonie TracieJonie Tracie