Sorrel Tuesday6 months agoI’m feeling lost and uncertain about my marriage and could really use some perspective or advice from others who have been through something similar. To give you some background: I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years, and we have young kids, including twins, which has definitely added a lot of stress to our lives. Recently, my wife told me she’s unsure about her feelings towards me and doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the relationship. For about six months, we’ve been in what I would call a “dead bedroom,” and I’ve noticed her becoming more distant. It’s been difficult to have meaningful conversations, and over the past year, I’ve also sensed some growing disrespect. She mentioned that she thinks the disconnect started with the twins and the stress of parenting, but now that they’re older (9), she still feels emotionally detached. She says she likes me but doesn’t feel more than that, and she’s unsure about how to fix things. She can’t really pinpoint why she feels this way. I’ve been trying to understand, but her uncertainty is leaving me confused about where we stand. I’ve asked her if she wants to break up or separate, but she hasn’t given me a clear answer. It seems like part of her doesn’t want to make any major decisions due to practical reasons, like our shared home and finances. She’s mentioned feeling alone and has been dealing with anxiety about the future. At the same time, she’s pointed out that I haven’t seemed happy, and I’ve been focusing more on my personal interests, like going to the gym. This is largely because she’s not interested in doing things with me, so I’ve been connecting more with friends. She’s said we’re living “parallel lives” and has even suggested that I might be better off with someone else. She also said that she can’t, at least for now, engage in sex because of her uncertainty about her feelings. There’s no affection or touch at all. When she told me she was unsure about her feelings, I felt like she had already made up her mind. Since then, I’ve been: Focusing on self-care by going to the gym Reconnecting with old friends Booking a trip with a friend to Asia, to gain perspective Being more clear about my boundaries due to the growing disrespect Telling her she’s free to leave if she doesn’t want to be with me A couple of months ago, after telling me she was unsure about her feelings, she officially said she wanted a divorce because she feels so lonely. I suggested couples counseling, but she initially declined. Then, two days later, she changed her mind and said she was open to it. When I asked her what the goal of counseling would be, she said she didn’t know. Now, we’re stuck in a kind of limbo. I’m waiting for her to decide what she wants. I love her, but I’m growing frustrated because she’s too distant, and there’s no affection. I briefly wondered if she might be cheating, but I couldn’t find any evidence after going through her phone. I’m at a crossroads, feeling confused. She says she loves me, but her words and actions seem inconsistent. I can’t tell if she’s trying to push me away or if she really wants to figure things out. I’ve told her I’m open to working on things, but she seems unclear about what she wants or what she expects from counseling. I don’t want to split up our family, especially with the kids involved, but I also feel like I can’t keep living in this uncertain space. We have a prenup, so I’m not worried about the financial aspect if we do divorce, but I don’t want to end up in a situation where I feel stuck. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Does it seem like she’s stringing me along until she figures things out? Is it possible to save a relationship when one partner is so disconnected, or is it better to part ways? I’m torn between holding on and letting go. Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.2176