Rylan Alden6 months agoMy fiancée and I are getting married in 9 months, and so far, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. We love each other deeply, and we’ve both opened up about our past traumas and personal issues. A lot of my fiancée’s struggles stem from her family, who, in her words, “treated her like she wasn’t even a part of the family.” She has three siblings—an older sister (32), a younger brother (24), and two younger sisters—and her parents. Her family dynamic is very patriarchal and misogynistic, which has led to a lot of issues over the years. She has shared with me some painful situations where she’s been made the scapegoat for various problems, with her siblings blaming her because she has historically been the one to take the fall. One situation that stands out is when her brother threw a tantrum because she went to a wedding for a friend, who was also his friend’s brother. He demanded an apology from her, and her mother and older sister pressured her to apologize in a very humiliating way, even though she wasn’t in the wrong. The apology wasn’t just a simple “sorry”—he made her kneel and touch his feet to ask for forgiveness. Even though this happened years ago, it still deeply hurts her, especially since her brother never apologized to her. It was so bad that her older sister recently apologized to her for pressuring her to do it. Hearing about how he treated her infuriates me. I also know that he has a history of misogynistic behavior and only respects men. It seems to me that the whole family has neglected her feelings, and I can’t understand how they can treat her this way, especially when she does so much for them—cooking, cleaning, paying rent, and taking care of others, while her siblings don’t contribute. She’s told me that she doesn’t want me to do anything right now, as she doesn’t want our marriage to be affected by conflict. But once we’re married and we have our own space, I want to know how I can help her find peace. I feel so strongly about standing up for her, but I also don’t want to make things harder for her. I’m torn between confronting her family and maintaining peace, especially since she’s told me we’ll be distancing ourselves from them by the end of the year. What should I do to support her while still respecting her wishes, and how can I help her heal from all of this?148
Rylan AldenRylan Alden