Carina Chester6 months agoI (19F) have been best friends with this guy (18M) since our last year of school. I’ve had feelings for him for a while, and I know he’s had feelings for me too. I was planning on telling him how I felt before the new year, but something came up that stopped me from doing so. Then, the day after New Year’s Eve, he told me he’s dating this girl he’s known for less than a week. It’s an online relationship, and she lives about two hours away, so he can’t see her in person. It honestly hurts me when he talks about her, and I ended up being a bit harsh with him, which I regret. I’ve met this girl, and she seems really nice. The thing that’s odd is that she’s basically my double—she has my style, makeup, personality, and even kind of looks like me. A lot of my friends, as well as his friends from college, have pointed this out too. They’ve been dating for about a week now, and I’m not sure what to do. He seems happy, and I don’t want to lose my friendship with him over this, but it’s really weighing on me. Should I tell him how I feel, or should I just keep it to myself? Answer (Rewritten): It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling conflicted. It must be really hard to see your best friend in a relationship with someone else, especially when you’ve had feelings for him for so long. The fact that she reminds you of yourself, both in terms of appearance and personality, is adding another layer of complexity to the situation. First, it’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel hurt, and it’s also normal to feel a little jealous when someone you care about starts dating someone else, especially if you’ve had unspoken feelings for them. However, you also need to be mindful of how this is affecting your behavior. It’s understandable that you might have been harsh, but it’s great that you recognize that and feel regret about it. As for whether you should tell him how you feel, that’s a tough one. Given that he’s just started dating this girl and seems happy, it’s important to think about the timing and what your intentions are. If you tell him now, it could potentially complicate his relationship with her, and it might make things awkward between you and him. On the other hand, if you continue to hold your feelings in, they may continue to weigh on you and affect your friendship. One option could be to take some time to process your feelings and assess if this is something that you really want to express to him. You might want to ask yourself whether you’re looking for closure or if you want to try to change his mind. If you decide you do want to tell him, make sure it’s done in a way that respects his current relationship and doesn’t put pressure on him to choose between the two of you. You could say something like, “I’ve had feelings for you for a while, and it’s been difficult seeing you with someone else. I value our friendship so much, and I just wanted to be honest with you because I think it’s important for me to share how I feel.” This approach keeps the focus on your emotions without making it about her or the relationship. Whatever you decide, it’s essential to prioritize your own emotional well-being and the friendship you have with him. Try to give yourself time to sort through these feelings before making any big decisions. It’s okay to feel hurt and conflicted, but being clear about your own needs will help guide you in the best direction. 51
Carina ChesterCarina Chester