Joss Jaylee6 months agoI (22M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for almost four years, and throughout that time, she’s always struggled to get my gifts right. This past Christmas, for example, instead of the tools for my garage that I’d clearly mentioned wanting, she gave me a pair of "I love beer" socks, an XXL jacket (I wear a size L), and a Bitcoin-themed metal coin from AliExpress (I don’t even own any crypto). I’ve tried to pretend that I liked her gifts, but she can always tell when I’m not being sincere. This usually leads to arguments, like the one we’re having right now. Over the years, I’ve tried to subtly hint at what I’d appreciate. I’ve spent time browsing knife displays at the mall (I collect knives) or casually mentioned affordable, useful tools for around the house. But for some reason, my hints don’t seem to stick. It’s not that I’m ungrateful—I truly appreciate her thoughtfulness and generosity—but the gifts she gives me just don’t match my interests, and it’s starting to strain our relationship. She’s the type of person who really enjoys giving gifts, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings or discourage her, but when the gifts feel so disconnected from what I actually enjoy, it leaves me feeling a bit unseen. What’s confusing to me is that she does know what I like—she’s seen my knife collection, she knows how much time I spend working in my garage, and I’ve mentioned specific items I’d love to have. Yet when it comes time to choose a gift, it feels like all of that is forgotten. It’s not about money—she earns more than I do, and I’m comfortable financially. What really matters to me is feeling understood and that she’s paying attention to my interests. When the gifts feel so far removed from who I am, it’s hard not to feel hurt. This is becoming more than just a small issue. It’s a recurring pattern that’s starting to affect our relationship. I don’t know how to bring it up without seeming ungrateful or making her feel like her efforts don’t matter. But I can’t keep pretending I like things when I don’t, and I’m not sure how to address this without creating more tension.1519
Joss JayleeJoss Jaylee