Olivia Adriennea year agoI’m (38F) dating a man (50M) who has two daughters, and I’m feeling conflicted about something that’s been going on with our families. We’ve been together for almost a year, and both of us have custody of our kids. I have two boys, and he has two girls, all of them in the 5-10 age range. My ex is completely uninvolved in my kids’ lives, whereas his ex has the girls for one weekend every month or so. When we first moved in together, he told my boys that they could call him “Dad,” which was sweet because they’ve never had a real father figure in their lives. At first, his daughters called me by my name, Dana, which seemed fine. But about a month ago, he started correcting them, telling them to call me “Mum” instead of Dana. I found this a bit weird, but I brushed it off. It’s now happened consistently, and it’s starting to bother me. I asked him last week why he’s insisting on it, and he said that if my boys can call him “Dad,” then his daughters should call me “Mum” because we’re a “real family” now. I understand where he’s coming from, but it’s also a bit strange to me. His daughters already have a mother, so I don’t want to step on any toes or replace her. What prompted me to write this post was an incident this afternoon. His ex dropped the girls off, and one of them casually asked, “What’s Mum (me) making for dinner?” His ex heard this and exploded, yelling at the girls, which led to a huge argument right on our front porch. It was really uncomfortable, and it made me feel unsure about the whole “Mum” thing. I love his daughters, but I don’t want to take the place of their real mother. To clarify, when it comes to my boys calling him “Dad,” it started because my oldest son accidentally called him “Dad” a few times. My boyfriend then told both of my boys that they could call him whatever felt right to them, and “Dad” was fine if they wanted. They don’t always call him “Dad,” though. As for our relationship moving fast, I’m cautious because of a past experience, but I do believe this is a good relationship. I’ve known him for a long time—he’s my brother’s best friend—and he’s been a part of my kids’ lives for years, even giving them music lessons. I should mention that my boyfriend has only really been forceful about the “Mum” issue once, when he corrected his daughter. Otherwise, he’s been casual about it and just reminds the girls that they don’t have to call me by my name. I’ve read some comments suggesting that he’s looking for a “young hot wife” to care for his kids, but I don’t think that’s the case. We both work full-time, and his ex is actually younger than me, so I don’t think that part is relevant. Maybe I’m being over-sensitive or overthinking this, but I want to make sure I’m not missing a red flag. I think he’s genuinely trying to create a stable, happy family for his daughters, especially since he feels like they didn’t get the family life they deserved when he and his ex split up. He’s a very involved and loving dad. I’m just not sure if I’m being crazy for defending him or if I’m overlooking something important.191
Olivia AdrienneOlivia Adrienne