It's completely understandable that you're feeling confused and conflicted about your relationship, especially when you discover something that raises doubts about your partner's feelings. Relationships can often be complex, and the emotions involved can lead to a whirlwind of thoughts and concerns. Let's break this down into several key areas to help you navigate your feelings and the situation with your boyfriend.

1. Understanding Limerence and Emotional Attachment

Limerence is characterized by intense romantic feelings and infatuation, often accompanied by obsessive thoughts about the object of affection. Your boyfriend's past limerence for this woman may have left residual feelings or attachments that he hasn't fully processed. It’s important to note that just because he had strong feelings for her in the past, it doesn't automatically mean he doesn't love you or that he is unfaithful in his emotional commitment to you.

2. The Nature of His Behavior

His admission of searching for her social media, especially during periods of conflict, suggests that he may be using this as a coping mechanism. For someone with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, emotional discomfort can lead to a retreat into past attachments or unresolved feelings rather than confronting the current relationship issues. This behavior might not stem from a lack of love for you, but rather from his struggle to process his emotions and fears.

3. Trust and Communication

Trust is a fundamental component of any relationship. If you feel uncertain about his commitment because of his past behavior, it's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with him. Here are some points to consider when discussing your feelings:

• Express Your Feelings: Use "I" statements to communicate how his actions make you feel. For example, "I feel hurt and confused when I see that you've been looking for her online."
• Ask for Clarity: Inquire about his feelings and intentions regarding both the past and your relationship. Understanding his perspective can help you gauge where he stands.
• Discuss Boundaries: Talk about what is acceptable behavior for both of you in the relationship, especially regarding past relationships and social media interactions.

4. Recognizing His Emotional State

His stoic or melancholic demeanor may be indicative of deeper emotional struggles. Fearful-avoidant individuals often grapple with conflicting desires for intimacy and fear of vulnerability. This might explain why he exhibits affection towards you while simultaneously engaging in behaviors that could jeopardize your relationship.

5. Reflecting on Your Relationship

Consider the positive aspects of your relationship. You mentioned that you have fun together, laugh, and share a strong connection. Reflecting on these elements can help you distinguish between temporary issues and fundamental incompatibilities. Ask yourself:

• What do you appreciate most about your relationship?
• Have you noticed any patterns in his behavior during conflicts?
• Are there underlying issues that need to be addressed that may be causing these conflicts?

6. Seeking Support

Sometimes, discussing your feelings with friends, family, or a therapist can provide additional perspective. They can help you process your emotions and offer guidance on how to approach the situation with your boyfriend.

7. Making a Decision

Ultimately, you must decide what is best for your emotional well-being. If you feel that his behavior is a deal-breaker or if trust cannot be rebuilt, it may be worth considering whether this relationship fulfills your needs. On the other hand, if he is willing to work on his issues and communicate openly, there may be a path forward.

In conclusion, it’s essential to address your feelings and concerns directly with your boyfriend. Open communication can help clarify his intentions and feelings, which may ultimately strengthen your relationship. Remember to prioritize your emotional health as you navigate this challenging situation.