I (22F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for nearly two years, and while we share many similarities—like our values, hobbies, and interests—there's a growing tension surrounding my career aspirations that is causing strain between us. Recently, I received an offer for a job in finance after competing against 1,500 candidates. I’m excited about the opportunity because the team is fantastic, they treat their employees well, and the role has the potential to significantly impact my future career in the environmental sector, which is my ultimate goal. Although I don’t see myself in finance long-term, I believe this position will equip me with valuable skills and experiences. However, my boyfriend has a strong negative bias against the finance industry. He has expressed disdain for "finance bros" and has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with people in finance, viewing them as solely motivated by money and lacking passion. This bias has affected his perception of me and my achievements. When I shared the news of my job offer with him while we were long distance, his response was underwhelming—just a brief "wow" with no further engagement. During a phone call later that evening, he still didn’t bring it up, prompting me to mention it first. His reaction was tepid; he asked how I felt but didn’t express any excitement or pride. In contrast, my family celebrated my achievement wholeheartedly, showering me with congratulations and expressing their pride in my success. Despite my efforts to communicate my feelings, he struggles to support me. He acknowledges my frustration but insists that he can’t reconcile the person he knows with the idea of me working in finance. In a heated moment, he even dismissed my career aspirations as a "complete joke" and claimed they wouldn’t contribute positively to the world. This ongoing conflict has left me feeling exhausted. I find myself repeatedly justifying my choices, begging for his support, and reassuring him that this job doesn’t define who I am or align me with the negative stereotypes he associates with finance. I’m at a crossroads and unsure how to proceed. Am I being unreasonable in wanting my partner to celebrate my accomplishments? Why does he prioritize his views over being a supportive boyfriend? I never expected to have to defend my career choices in this way, and I’m seeking guidance on how to navigate this situation moving forward.

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Starla Dorothea

I (22F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for nearly two years, and while we share many similarities—like our values, hobbies, and interests—there's a growing tension surrounding my career aspirations that is causing strain between us. Recently, I received an offer for a job in finance after competing against 1,500 candidates. I’m excited about the opportunity because the team is fantastic, they treat their employees well, and the role has the potential to significantly impact my future career in the environmental sector, which is my ultimate goal. Although I don’t see myself in finance long-term, I believe this position will equip me with valuable skills and experiences. However, my boyfriend has a strong negative bias against the finance industry. He has expressed disdain for "finance bros" and has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with people in finance, viewing them as solely motivated by money and lacking passion. This bias has affected his perception of me and my achievements. When I shared the news of my job offer with him while we were long distance, his response was underwhelming—just a brief "wow" with no further engagement. During a phone call later that evening, he still didn’t bring it up, prompting me to mention it first. His reaction was tepid; he asked how I felt but didn’t express any excitement or pride. In contrast, my family celebrated my achievement wholeheartedly, showering me with congratulations and expressing their pride in my success. Despite my efforts to communicate my feelings, he struggles to support me. He acknowledges my frustration but insists that he can’t reconcile the person he knows with the idea of me working in finance. In a heated moment, he even dismissed my career aspirations as a "complete joke" and claimed they wouldn’t contribute positively to the world. This ongoing conflict has left me feeling exhausted. I find myself repeatedly justifying my choices, begging for his support, and reassuring him that this job doesn’t define who I am or align me with the negative stereotypes he associates with finance. I’m at a crossroads and unsure how to proceed. Am I being unreasonable in wanting my partner to celebrate my accomplishments? Why does he prioritize his views over being a supportive boyfriend? I never expected to have to defend my career choices in this way, and I’m seeking guidance on how to navigate this situation moving forward.

a year ago

It's understandable to want a partner who celebrates your achievements, especially something as significant as landing a competitive job offer. Your feelings are valid, and it's important for your accomplishments to be acknowledged and supported in a relationship.

Here are some steps to consider moving forward:

1.Have an honest conversation: It's crucial to have a calm, open discussion about how his reactions are affecting you. Express your feelings clearly, explaining that you're not just looking for validation but want him to understand and respect your goals. Be specific about how his dismissive comments make you feel.

2.Clarify your long-term vision: Let him know that while the job is in finance, it's a stepping stone toward your ultimate goal of working in the environmental sector. This could help him see that your values align, and you're not just pursuing a job for the sake of money, but to build skills that matter to you.

3.Gauge his willingness to compromise: Does he value your happiness and success enough to put aside his biases and be more supportive? If he can’t understand or celebrate your achievements, it may indicate deeper incompatibilities in how you both see success and ambition.

4.Reassess the relationship: If you find that he is unwilling to support you in a meaningful way, it might be worth reflecting on whether this relationship can continue to thrive in the long run. A partner who doesn’t support your personal and professional growth can create unnecessary strain.

Conclusion

it's understandable that you want your partner's support and celebration of your accomplishments, especially when it comes to something as important as your career. Your boyfriend’s lack of support, particularly his negative bias toward the finance industry, is causing emotional strain and making you feel invalidated in your achievements.

To move forward, it's essential to have an honest, open conversation where you express how his reactions affect you and your need for understanding and encouragement. If he is unable or unwilling to offer the support you need, it may be necessary to reconsider the relationship’s long-term viability. Ultimately, your personal and professional growth is important, and being with a partner who can respect and celebrate that growth is essential for a healthy, supportive relationship.

If this issue continues to be unresolved, it could indicate deeper incompatibilities that might be difficult to overcome. Prioritize your own happiness and aspirations as you navigate this situation.

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It's understandable to want a partner who celebrates your achievements, especially something as significant as landing a competitive job offer. Your feelings are valid, and it's important for your accomplishments to be acknowledged and supported in a relationship.

Here are some steps to consider moving forward:

3.Gauge his willingness to compromise: Does he value your happiness and success enough to put aside his biases and be more supportive? If he can’t understand or celebrate your achievements, it may indicate deeper incompatibilities in how you both see success and ambition.

4.Reassess the relationship: If you find that he is unwilling to support you in a meaningful way, it might be worth reflecting on whether this relationship can continue to thrive in the long run. A partner who doesn’t support your personal and professional growth can create unnecessary strain.

Conclusion

If this issue continues to be unresolved, it could indicate deeper incompatibilities that might be difficult to overcome. Prioritize your own happiness and aspirations as you navigate this situation.

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