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He believes things are improving, but I'm just waiting for an apartment to open up so I can leave. After nine months of trying, I can’t take it anymore, even though I initially planned to give it a year. He’s been consistently miserable and mean, ruining every holiday, anniversary, and birthday that isn’t his. Last March, after another set of awful holidays filled with his yelling, I told myself that if my life looked the same a year later, I would end it. I communicated my needs clearly, including: - A birthday without his attitude or meltdowns. - A proper anniversary celebration after nine years together, instead of just the dinners I planned. - Not being yelled at, especially for things out of my control. - At least one date night every three months (which has yet to happen). I had planned a getaway for our last anniversary, but I canceled it after he destroyed my car in a fit of rage. Now, with Christmas just two days away, I asked him for two reasonably priced gifts, reminding him multiple times. I buy gifts for everyone else, but he seems unprepared and is in a bad mood, likely hoping to intimidate me into not bringing it up. While he thinks everything is fine, I’m mentally planning my escape and dreaming of a kinder future. I’ve tried hard enough, and I’m ready for a change.
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot in this relationship, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling this way. You’ve clearly communicated your needs and expectations, and it’s painful to see them consistently unmet. It’s also exhausting to keep trying to make things work when the other person doesn’t seem to reciprocate the effort or understanding.
You deserve to feel valued and appreciated, especially during special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. It’s heartbreaking to hear how your experiences have been overshadowed by negativity and disappointment. It’s commendable that you’ve given it so much time and effort, but it’s also important to recognize when it’s time to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.
Planning for a new life and daydreaming about a future that brings you joy is a healthy way to cope with the situation. It’s a sign that you’re ready to move on and seek something better for yourself. Remember, you deserve kindness, respect, and love in your life.
If you haven’t already, consider reaching out to supportive friends or family who can help you through this transition. You might also want to explore counseling or support groups, which can provide guidance and a safe space to express your feelings.
Ultimately, it’s okay to put yourself first and seek a life that aligns with your needs and desires. You are worthy of a fulfilling relationship, and taking steps toward that is a brave and positive decision.
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