The Best Books for Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships

Let’s be real—relationships are hard when you don’t understand why you push people away… or cling too tightly. That’s where attachment theory comes in. Learning about your attachment style can be the breakthrough you need to stop repeating toxic patterns and start building healthier, more secure relationships.

1.Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson

📖 About: From the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, this book explains why love is a survival instinct—and how attachment styles shape romantic bonds.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Grounded in science but easy to understand, it offers practical ways to deepen emotional connection.

🎯 Best For: Couples, individuals looking for science-backed tools to strengthen their relationships.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4cIuKzn

2.Attached to god by Krispin Mayfield

📖 About: Combines attachment theory with spiritual reflection to explore how your attachment style affects your relationship with god and others.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Offers a unique faith-based perspective for healing emotional wounds rooted in both relationships and religion.

🎯 Best For: Christian readers, spiritual seekers, those healing from church-related trauma.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4jkSnk3

3.The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT

📖 About: A guided workbook filled with exercises, quizzes, and insights to help you understand and shift your attachment style.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Super practical and interactive—great if you want to do the work instead of just reading about it.

🎯 Best For: Self-help readers, therapy clients, journalers, those wanting actionable steps.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4iLpwEN

4.Secure Love by Julie Menanno

📖 About: A couples therapist breaks down the five keys to creating secure, connected romantic relationships based on attachment science.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Modern, clear, and full of actionable advice for navigating emotional intimacy and communication.

🎯 Best For: Couples, newlyweds, anyone building or rebuilding emotional safety.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4jnES3i

5.The Origins of You by Vienna Pharaon

📖 About: This bestselling therapist explores how your childhood “origin wounds” shape your attachment style—and how to start healing.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Insightful and personal, it blends psychology with practical tools for transformation.

🎯 Best For: Inner child work, therapy fans, adults breaking generational patterns.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4jlRZlF

6.The Adult Chair by Michelle Chalfant

📖 About: A self-awareness model that aligns with attachment theory, helping you shift from wounded patterns into your healthiest, most secure self.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Empowering, clear, and emotionally intelligent—a great guide to secure self-leadership.

🎯 Best For: Personal growth seekers, self-healers, fans of emotional maturity work.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4jC66mm

7.The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

📖 About: A deep dive into how trauma—including attachment trauma—is stored in the body and how to heal through somatic work and therapy.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Groundbreaking and essential for understanding how early emotional wounds affect adult relationships.

🎯 Best For: Trauma survivors, therapists, anyone doing deep healing work.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3RuWduP

8.Polysecure by Jessica Fern

📖 About: Explores how attachment theory applies in non-monogamous relationships, with insights for creating secure connections in any dynamic.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Inclusive, insightful, and empowering. Even if you’re monogamous, it’s packed with wisdom on emotional safety and freedom.

🎯 Best For: Non-monogamous folks, queer readers, anyone interested in expanding their understanding of secure love.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4jos5O7

9.Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

📖 About: Offers tools for identifying and overcoming anxious and avoidant behaviors that sabotage love and connection.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Gentle, therapeutic, and full of actionable advice to help you move toward secure attachment.

🎯 Best For: Anxiously attached individuals, people struggling with fear of abandonment or rejection.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/42FLG4X

10.Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson & Lysa Parker

📖 About: Focuses on how attachment theory applies to parenting and how creating secure bonds early in life shapes future relationships.

💡 Why You’ll Love It: Empowers parents to nurture emotionally secure children from birth. Deeply compassionate and informative.

🎯 Best For: Parents, caregivers, educators, anyone exploring generational healing.

👉 Buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/42pGzHx

Final Thoughts

Attachment theory isn’t just psychology—it’s a mirror into how we love, connect, and sometimes push love away. These books are more than just reads—they’re tools for transformation. Whether you’re trying to break old patterns or create new ones, these stories, strategies, and insights can guide you toward the kind of connection that feels safe, secure, and real.